Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here

[Rodders]

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary, so he decides to buy her a cell phone.  She's really excited - she loves her phone.  He shows her how to use it and explains all the features of the phone to her.

The next day the blonde goes shopping.  Her phone rings and it's her husband.

"Hi Hon," he says. "How do you like your new phone?"

She replies, "I just love it!  It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell.  There's one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Sainsbury's?"

[Simon]

A blonde suspects that her boyfriend has been cheating on her for some time. In a fit of rage she visits a local gun shop and buys a pistol. She then takes the gun with her to her boyfriend's apartment to confront him with her suspicions.

As she arrives, she hears amorous sounds coming from within the apartment. In a rage she bursts in and finds her boyfriend in an amorous embrace with a lovely lady on the floor in front of her.

She reaches into her purse to retrieve the weapon and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.

In her grief, she raises the gun to her own head. The boyfriend jumps up and begins to plead with her not to end it all. She cocks the gun, looks him angrily in the eye and says, "Sit down and shut up, you're next!"

[Clive]

A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well... uh... that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha!  He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm... the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

[Rodders]

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[Rodders]

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[Sandra]

I know one who used a digi cam to take a screenshot and asked how she could stop the flash reflecting on the monitor screen  

[Clive]

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving to inspect a bull, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it
for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch
the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help
her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only
be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word
"comfortable."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable?'"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slowly. ("com-for-da-bul")

[Clive]

Blonde First Aid

"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.

"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank goodness, I took that
first aid course -- all my training came back to me in a flash."

"What did you do?" asks the bartender.

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

[Whiskas]

A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a
"peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she's peels
it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've
won a motor home!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize
is a free lunch."

But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home!
I've won a motor home!"

Finally the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm
sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won
a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!"

The blonde says, "No it's not a mistake. I've won a motor
home!"

She hands the ticket to the manager and he reads...

" W I N A B A G E L "

[Serenity]

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.

A very attractive blonde lady arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, " I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm nude."

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral of the story: Not all blondes are dumb.

[Rodders]

Moral of the story: Not all blondes are dumb.

Yeah, but who cares?  

[Simon]

A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I can only sell the car."

"OK," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore trying to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.

About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

[Clive]

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blond jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
 
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
 
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.
 
He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.
 
She replies yes.
 
He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
 
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....
 
(scroll down)... I love this one ...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

[Camstop]

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Take the pin out and through it back.  8)

[Camstop]

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like mad shes got a grenade in her mouth!