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Barry Humphries Quotes


1: “Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.”

2: “New Zealand is a country of thirty thousand million sheep, three million of whom think they are human.”

3: "I was born in Melbourne with a precious gift. Dame Nature stooped over my cot and gave me this gift. It was the ability to laugh at the misfortunes of others."

4: "There is no more terrible fate for a comedian than to be taken seriously."

5: “Australia is an outdoor country. People only go inside to use the toilet. And that's only a recent development.”

6: “Most of my contemporaries at school entered the World of Business, the logical destiny of bores.”

7: "Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century."

8 : I'm trying to think of a word to describe your outfit ...affordable."

9: "The best jokes are often only understood by one other person."

10: "If you have to explain satire to someone, you might as well give up."

11: “My parents were very pleased that I was in the army. The fact that I hated it somehow pleased them even more.”

12: "This double chin was grafted on to me, in Brazil. It belonged to Elizabeth Taylor. It was her left love handle."

13: "Andrew Lloyd Webber doesn't need necessarily to be on camera does he? I think the old phantom could have lent him a mask or two... No I'm teasing, and he'd know if he's watching, which I hope he isn't."

14: "I'm not racist. I love all races, particularly white people. You know, I even like Roman Catholics."

15: "I'm better than Judi Dench, much much better and I'm afraid taller!"

16. Political correctness means nothing to me. Nothing. It's the new Puritanism, darling. Preventing us from expressing ourselves.


But I have to admit, I can't watch his Les Patterson character.  Makes me feel sick!

That's Sir Les Patterson, to you Simon.   ;)



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