31
The Laughter Zone / Re: Wild West.
« Last post by Clive on February 19, 2024, 16:59 »Brilliant! 
Recent Posts
32
The Laughter Zone / Wild West.
« Last post by Den on February 19, 2024, 08:50 »In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world.
He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.
One Saturday night, as he was sitting in the saloon, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day.
The young cowboy took the seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition.
"Could you possibly give me some tips?" he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
"Yep, sure will," said the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
"That's terrific!" said the cowboy, "Got any more tips for me?"
"Yep," said the old man, "cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
"Yep, you bet it will," replied the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and shot a cufflink off the piano player.
"Wow!" said the cowboy, "I'm learning' somethin' here - got any more tips?"
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."
The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
"Nope," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing' the piano, he's going to shove that gun up your arse and it won't hurt as much.
He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.
One Saturday night, as he was sitting in the saloon, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day.
The young cowboy took the seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition.
"Could you possibly give me some tips?" he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
"Yep, sure will," said the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
"That's terrific!" said the cowboy, "Got any more tips for me?"
"Yep," said the old man, "cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
"Yep, you bet it will," replied the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and shot a cufflink off the piano player.
"Wow!" said the cowboy, "I'm learning' somethin' here - got any more tips?"
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."
The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
"Nope," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing' the piano, he's going to shove that gun up your arse and it won't hurt as much.
33
The Buzz / Re: Steve Wright: Radio 2 presenter dies aged 69
« Last post by Simon on February 13, 2024, 20:25 »I enjoyed his afternoon show for many years. This is a complete shock. Radio 2 has become unlistenable in the last couple of years.
34
The Buzz / Re: Steve Wright: Radio 2 presenter dies aged 69
« Last post by Clive on February 13, 2024, 20:09 »I agree Den. I always enjoyed Steve Wright in the Afternoon when he played all the oldies. I wonder what he died of?
Steve Wright
Steve Wright35
The Buzz / Re: Steve Wright: Radio 2 presenter dies aged 69
« Last post by Den on February 13, 2024, 18:27 »That is so sad. Other than Wogan he was the main reason to listen to Radio 2.
36
The Buzz / Steve Wright: Radio 2 presenter dies aged 69
« Last post by Simon on February 13, 2024, 17:18 »DJ Steve Wright, who presented programmes for BBC Radio 1 and Radio 2 for more than four decades, has died at the age of 69.
His family confirmed his death "with deep sorrow and profound regret" in a statement on Tuesday.
Wright joined the BBC in the 1970s and went on to host the afternoon shows on Radio 1 and Radio 2.
He also fronted television programmes for the BBC, including Top of the Pops.
Wright was last on air on Sunday, hosting a pre-recorded special Valentine's Day edition of his Love Songs programme.
Wright's family said: "It is with deep sorrow and profound regret that we announce the passing of our beloved Steve Wright.
"In addition to his son, Tom, and daughter, Lucy, Steve leaves behind his brother, Laurence and his father Richard. Also, much-loved close friends and colleagues, and millions of devoted radio listeners who had the good fortune and great pleasure of allowing Steve into their daily lives as one of the UK's most enduring and popular radio personalities.
"As we all grieve, the family requests privacy at this immensely difficult time."
Paying tribute to Wright after his death was announced, an emotional Radio 2 presenter Sara Cox said: "It's really hard to know what to say about the news of Steve Wright's passing, except we are all shocked and devastated and blindsided by this news.
"Steve was an extraordinary broadcaster, a really kind person, he was witty, he was warm, and he was a huge, huge part of the Radio 2 family, and I know my fellow DJs will all be absolutely shattered too."
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-68287707
His family confirmed his death "with deep sorrow and profound regret" in a statement on Tuesday.
Wright joined the BBC in the 1970s and went on to host the afternoon shows on Radio 1 and Radio 2.
He also fronted television programmes for the BBC, including Top of the Pops.
Wright was last on air on Sunday, hosting a pre-recorded special Valentine's Day edition of his Love Songs programme.
Wright's family said: "It is with deep sorrow and profound regret that we announce the passing of our beloved Steve Wright.
"In addition to his son, Tom, and daughter, Lucy, Steve leaves behind his brother, Laurence and his father Richard. Also, much-loved close friends and colleagues, and millions of devoted radio listeners who had the good fortune and great pleasure of allowing Steve into their daily lives as one of the UK's most enduring and popular radio personalities.
"As we all grieve, the family requests privacy at this immensely difficult time."
Paying tribute to Wright after his death was announced, an emotional Radio 2 presenter Sara Cox said: "It's really hard to know what to say about the news of Steve Wright's passing, except we are all shocked and devastated and blindsided by this news.
"Steve was an extraordinary broadcaster, a really kind person, he was witty, he was warm, and he was a huge, huge part of the Radio 2 family, and I know my fellow DJs will all be absolutely shattered too."
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-68287707
37
The Laughter Zone / Re: Milking machine.
« Last post by Clive on February 09, 2024, 08:59 »
Thanks for the warning Den. 39
The Laughter Zone / Milking machine.
« Last post by Den on February 08, 2024, 18:51 »A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his 'manhood' into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself.
He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile phone (Thank god for mobile phones!).
'Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company.
It works Fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?'
'Don't worry,' replied the customer service rep, 'The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons.'
Have a nice day.
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his 'manhood' into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself.
He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile phone (Thank god for mobile phones!).
'Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company.
It works Fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?'
'Don't worry,' replied the customer service rep, 'The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons.'
Have a nice day.
40
The Buzz / Re: Ian Lavender: Dad's Army star dies aged 77
« Last post by Simon on February 05, 2024, 20:34 »He was.