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The Laughter Zone / Re: Bed time story.
« Last post by Clive on December 06, 2021, 20:08 »
« Last post by Clive on December 06, 2021, 20:07 »
Brilliant!  :laugh:
The Laughter Zone / Re: Christmas is coming.
« Last post by Clive on December 06, 2021, 20:05 »
And scary!   :laugh:
The Laughter Zone / Re: Christmas is coming.
« Last post by Simon on December 06, 2021, 16:50 »
Brilliant!  ;D
The Laughter Zone / Christmas is coming.
« Last post by Den on December 06, 2021, 16:15 »
Anyone else freaked out by everyone else on the planet sharing all their top tips for a super-duper organised Christmas?? Here's my plan for December 😂👇😬🙈

DEC 1st
Vainly attempt to stop offspring consuming entire advent calendar in one go.

DEC 2nd
Enforce strict ‘No Elves on Shelves’ policy. Nobody has time for that creepy little s**t.

DEC 3rd
Spend magical afternoon decorating Xmas tree with family.

DEC 4th
Spend magical afternoon rearranging Xmas tree whilst family isn't looking.

DEC 5th
Buy Xmas biscuits and selection boxes. Congratulate self for being so organised.

Dec 6th
Accidently stress-eat Xmas biscuits and selection boxes.

DEC 7th
Secretly replenish Xmas biscuits and selection boxes.

DEC 8th
Consider cutting own ears off after 5,000th airing of ‘All I Want For Christmas’ on the radio this week.

DEC 9th
Join Facebook black market of Mums frantically trying to swap/buy/pilfer extra nativity tickets BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!

DEC 10th
Attend work Xmas party. Won’t stay long, busy day tomorrow… 🤥🥂🎉

DEC 11th
Xmas party a bit of a blur. May have fallen into a bush. Attempt to survive crack-of-dawn soft play party with chronic hangover. 🤢

DEC 12th
Supervise painfully slow writing of Christmas cards for the 5000 members of daughter's class. Who knew there were 20 different spellings of Isabel...

DEC 13th
Christmas crafting session for the little ones. Spend rest of month covered in glitter, glue and cotton wool, like some kind of festive disco sheep.

DEC 14th
Write letter to Santa together. Suggest replacing ‘real flying reindeer’ and ‘rollercoaster for the garden’ with more realistic choices…

DEC 15th
Spend afternoon panic-ordering from Amazon.

DEC 16th
Sob proudly as child knee-slides her way through the nativity. Try to hide surprise when a giraffe, Chase from Paw Patrol and the three bears rock up to the manger… 🤔

DEC 17th
Knock up some homemade mince pies. They taste like cardboard and sadness. Remember I am not Mary Berry. Buy more mince pies.

DEC 18th
Embark on lovely wintery family walk. Quickly remember that family dislikes winter, walking, and all associated activities. Sack off lovely family walk in favour of lovely nearby pub.c

DEC 19th
Secretly replenish Xmas biscuits & selection boxes. Again 😬

DEC 20th
Remortgage house to visit Santa’s grotto at the local garden centre. Try not to swear when child asks for a gift that has NOT ONCE been mentioned until today. .. 😭

DEC 21st
Chastise self severely for forgetting to book online food delivery. Fight to the death with surprisingly strong octogenarian for the last turkey in Sainsbury's.

DEC 22nd
Become victim of own excellent hiding skills when I cannot for the life of me remember where I stashed the bloody Christmas presents… #SendHelp

DEC 23rd
Endless, hellish gift-wrapping cycle of misplacing the scissors, losing the end of the sellotape and questioning my life choices.

DEC 24th
Stare incredulously at partner when they ask whether I've had any thoughts on what I'd like for Christmas… 🙄

DEC 25th.
Start the day at 'It's still the middle of the bloody night!!!' o'clock when overexcited children scream 'IT'S CHRIISSSTTTMMASSSSS!!!!' directly into your eyeballs at 4am. Wade through sea of destroyed wrapping paper to throw turkey in oven. Bucks fizz. Baste something. More bucks fizz. Chuck other things in oven. More bucks fizz. Oven a bit blurry now. Eat own body weight in pigs in blankets but inexplicably find room for a mince pie or 6 half an hour later. Cry trying to put together the 700 piece Playmobil twunting Zoo. Finally collapse on sofa with bumper tub of Quality Street, safe in the knowledge that I have 11 more months before I have to do it all over again. Was magical though.  :santa:
« Last post by Simon on December 04, 2021, 13:46 »
« Last post by Den on December 04, 2021, 13:14 »

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

 MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. As it's almost Christmas I wondered if I could have it, It's £1,000 though, is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Of course, go ahead if you really like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Tesla showroom and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "It's..... about.... £67,000." ;

MAN: "Mmmmmm, Ok, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jane and found out that the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £570,000 for it."

MAN: "Well..... Ok...... go ahead but make an offer of £540,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra thirty-thousand  if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so, so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up.

The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment,
mouths wide open.

He turns and asks,

"Anyone know who's phone this is?"    ;D
The Laughter Zone / Re: Bed time story.
« Last post by Simon on December 03, 2021, 20:16 »
The Laughter Zone / Bed time story.
« Last post by Den on December 03, 2021, 19:45 »
Once upon a time a beautiful lady married a handsome Prince.

The rest is private.

The end.  ;D
Mobile Phones & Other Handheld Devices / Re: Tethering
« Last post by Clive on November 16, 2021, 19:50 »
The important clue was "Mrs Clive's iPad".  I'm not allowed to use it.   :facepalm:
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