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The Laughter Zone / Re: The Organist
« Last post by Simon on December 05, 2022, 21:18 »
The Laughter Zone / Re: The Organist
« Last post by Clive on December 05, 2022, 21:08 »
The Laughter Zone / The Organist
« Last post by Den on December 05, 2022, 20:08 »
Miss Matilda, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.

She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it.

The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?

I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.

The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"

The pastor fainted. 🤣
The Laughter Zone / Re: Polite Notice
« Last post by Clive on December 04, 2022, 20:53 »
The Laughter Zone / Re: Polite Notice
« Last post by Simon on December 04, 2022, 18:02 »
The Laughter Zone / Polite Notice
« Last post by Den on December 04, 2022, 16:55 »

To people who have Christmas lights flashing blue on their houses/trees, can you please remove them?

Every time I pass, I think it's the police and I have to let my foot off the accelerator,

slam on my brakes,

put my seat belt on,

throw my mobile phone on the floor,

hide my bottle of Smirnoff ,

swallow my joint and hide my gear

Thank you for your understanding.
The Laughter Zone / Re: Quickies.
« Last post by Simon on December 03, 2022, 17:00 »
Tim Vine would be proud!  ;D
The Laughter Zone / Re: Quickies.
« Last post by Clive on December 03, 2022, 15:19 »
Brilliant Den!   :hatoff:
The Laughter Zone / Quickies.
« Last post by Den on December 03, 2022, 14:57 »
Elevators terrify me... I'm taking steps to avoid them.

I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards', and I thought... 'That's just spam...'

What do you call a man with no shins? Tony.

Me and my friends put a band together, we named it 999 megabytes. Still don't have a gig though.

I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were against me.

I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda. It was a Fanta Sea.

Just got hospitalized due to a peekaboo accident. They put me in the ICU.

In college I was so broke I couldn't afford the electricity bill. Those were the darkest days of my life.

I went to the Doctor with hearing problems. He said 'Can you describe the symptoms?' I said: 'Homer's a fat dude and Marge has blue hair.'

I said to my wife: 'When I die I'd like to die having sex.' She replied: 'At least it'll be quick.'

I've decided I want a pet termite. I'm going to call him Clint. Clint Eatswood.

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10-tickles.

'Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?' No sun.

I figured out why Teslas are so expensive. It's because they charge a lot.

Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed? Everybody.

My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns. Well, toucan play at that game.

Did you hear about the new Origami Porn channel? It's paper view only.

I was really angry when I ran into my friend Mark who stole my dictionary. I said, 'Mark, my words!'

I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
The Buzz / Re: Fleetwood Mac's Christine McVie dies at 79
« Last post by Den on November 30, 2022, 21:07 »
So sad, she was amazing.  :rip:
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