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11
The Laughter Zone / Old age
« Last post by Den on May 10, 2024, 08:39 »
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.
I don't have to go to school or work.
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don't have a curfew.
I have a driver's license and my own car.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne.
Life is great.
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim".
I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it".
I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
Now, I'm wondering... did I steal this meme from you, or did you steal it from me?
12
The Laughter Zone / Re: Art collector
« Last post by Clive on May 04, 2024, 09:06 »
 :pmsl:
13
The Laughter Zone / Re: Frank Feldman
« Last post by Clive on May 04, 2024, 09:05 »
And probably true! 
14
The Laughter Zone / Re: Art collector
« Last post by Simon on May 03, 2024, 22:03 »
;D
15
The Laughter Zone / Art collector
« Last post by Den on May 03, 2024, 21:32 »
A London solicitor representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client.

"Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."

The solicitor said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only £5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between £15 and £20 million...

and I think she could be right"

Saul replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn't she? You've just made my day.

Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The solicitor replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary..."      :crazy:
16
The Laughter Zone / Re: Frank Feldman
« Last post by Den on May 03, 2024, 21:24 »
 :clever2: :hehe:
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The Laughter Zone / Re: Frank Feldman
« Last post by Clive on May 03, 2024, 18:13 »
 :lol:
18
The Laughter Zone / Frank Feldman
« Last post by Simon on May 03, 2024, 16:23 »
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabby says, “Wow, perfect timing. You're just like Frank.”

The passenger asks, “Who?”

The cabby explains, “Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like when I came along just when you needed a cab. Things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

The passenger remarked, “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

“Not Frank Feldman,” answered the cabby. “He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

The passenger said, “Sounds like he was really something special.”

The cabby replied, “There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”

The passenger was amazed, “Wow, what a guy!”

The cabby continued, “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

The passenger asked, “How did you meet him?”

The cabby replied, “I never actually met Frank. He died, and I married his widow."   :crazy:
19
The Laughter Zone / Re: Wedding night.
« Last post by Clive on April 17, 2024, 08:42 »
 :pmsl:
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The Laughter Zone / Re: Wedding night.
« Last post by Simon on April 16, 2024, 20:39 »
;D
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