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The Laughter Zone / Re: Frank Feldman
« Last post by Clive on Today at 18:13 »
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The Laughter Zone / Frank Feldman
« Last post by Simon on Today at 16:23 »A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabby says, “Wow, perfect timing. You're just like Frank.”
The passenger asks, “Who?”
The cabby explains, “Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like when I came along just when you needed a cab. Things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”
The passenger remarked, “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
“Not Frank Feldman,” answered the cabby. “He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
The passenger said, “Sounds like he was really something special.”
The cabby replied, “There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”
The passenger was amazed, “Wow, what a guy!”
The cabby continued, “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”
The passenger asked, “How did you meet him?”
The cabby replied, “I never actually met Frank. He died, and I married his widow."
The passenger asks, “Who?”
The cabby explains, “Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like when I came along just when you needed a cab. Things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”
The passenger remarked, “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
“Not Frank Feldman,” answered the cabby. “He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
The passenger said, “Sounds like he was really something special.”
The cabby replied, “There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”
The passenger was amazed, “Wow, what a guy!”
The cabby continued, “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”
The passenger asked, “How did you meet him?”
The cabby replied, “I never actually met Frank. He died, and I married his widow."
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The Laughter Zone / Wedding night.
« Last post by Den on April 16, 2024, 20:20 »A young woman was preparing for her wedding.
She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle.
Mom forgot until the last minute, so she dashed out and could only find a short pink nighty.
She bought it and threw it into the suitcase.
After the wedding, the bride and groom enter their hotel room.
The groom was a little self-conscious, so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed.
While she was in the bathroom, she opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in there.
She exclaimed, "Oh no, it's short, pink and wrinkled!"
Then her groom cried out, "I told you not to peek!"
She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle.
Mom forgot until the last minute, so she dashed out and could only find a short pink nighty.
She bought it and threw it into the suitcase.
After the wedding, the bride and groom enter their hotel room.
The groom was a little self-conscious, so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed.
While she was in the bathroom, she opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in there.
She exclaimed, "Oh no, it's short, pink and wrinkled!"
Then her groom cried out, "I told you not to peek!"
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The Laughter Zone / Re: 95th Birthday
« Last post by Clive on April 07, 2024, 15:01 » Joke of the year! 
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The Laughter Zone / 95th Birthday
« Last post by Den on April 07, 2024, 13:16 »Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers.
One evening, they chatted after having dinner together.
They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida .
The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."
The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know
she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this
preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took
ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him.
I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it.
Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out her "Thank You" notes.
She wrote: Milton , the house you built is so huge that I live in only one
room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can
hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing,
and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift.
The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much."
Love, Mama
One evening, they chatted after having dinner together.
They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida .
The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."
The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know
she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this
preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took
ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him.
I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it.
Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out her "Thank You" notes.
She wrote: Milton , the house you built is so huge that I live in only one
room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can
hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing,
and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift.
The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much."
Love, Mama
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The Laughter Zone / Re: One day a man decided to retire...
« Last post by Clive on April 06, 2024, 20:03 »Brilliant!
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The Laughter Zone / Re: One day a man decided to retire...
« Last post by Simon on April 06, 2024, 18:11 »