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1
The Laughter Zone / Re: Two sides to every story
« Last post by Clive on February 22, 2024, 22:14 »
Brilliant!   :laugh:
2
The Laughter Zone / Re: Two sides to every story
« Last post by Simon on February 22, 2024, 21:42 »
;D
3
The Laughter Zone / Two sides to every story
« Last post by Den on February 22, 2024, 21:01 »
Two sides to every story ..

Three women die in a car accident and go to Heaven.

Saint Peter meets them at the Gates and welcomes them saying "you can do as you please in Heaven, just don't step on any ducks."

The women are puzzled but proceed into Heaven.

Looking around, they notice there are ducks everywhere.

In a matter of minutes, one of the women steps on a duck.

Saint Peter walks up to the woman with a hideously ugly man.

Saint Peter shackles the man and the woman together and says, "for stepping on a duck, you have to spend eternity chained to this ugly man."

The other two women are shocked but go about their business until, sure enough, another woman steps on a duck.

Immediately Saint Peter comes and shackles her to another ugly man.

The last woman tries desperately to not step on a duck.

After a few months of not stepping on any ducks, Saint Peter walks up to the woman accompanied by a stunningly handsome man.

He shackles the woman to the man and after a while, the woman being thrilled to be chained to such a handsome man, says "I don't know what I did to deserve this."

The man replies, "I don't know what you did lady, but I stepped on a duck."   :crazy:
4
The Laughter Zone / Re: Paddy
« Last post by Clive on February 22, 2024, 11:46 »
 :arf:
5
The Laughter Zone / Re: Paddy
« Last post by Simon on February 22, 2024, 10:23 »
;D
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The Laughter Zone / Paddy
« Last post by Den on February 22, 2024, 07:45 »
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would

send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.

"Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.

"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him 240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

Then there's the housekeeper. She gets 190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

There's also the half-wit.

He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about 25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."

"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."

"That'll be me then," said Paddy...   :)x
7
The Laughter Zone / Re: Wild West.
« Last post by Simon on February 19, 2024, 18:17 »
;D
8
The Laughter Zone / Re: Wild West.
« Last post by Clive on February 19, 2024, 16:59 »
Brilliant!   ;D
9
The Laughter Zone / Wild West.
« Last post by Den on February 19, 2024, 08:50 »
In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world.

He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.

One Saturday night, as he was sitting in the saloon, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day.

The young cowboy took the seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition.

"Could you possibly give me some tips?" he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"Yep, sure will," said the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

"That's terrific!" said the cowboy, "Got any more tips for me?"

"Yep," said the old man, "cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"Yep, you bet it will," replied the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and shot a cufflink off the piano player.

"Wow!" said the cowboy, "I'm learning' somethin' here - got any more tips?"

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."

The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"Nope," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing' the piano, he's going to shove that gun up your arse and it won't hurt as much.   :)x
10
The Buzz / Re: Steve Wright: Radio 2 presenter dies aged 69
« Last post by Simon on February 13, 2024, 20:25 »
I enjoyed his afternoon show for many years.  This is a complete shock.  Radio 2 has become unlistenable in the last couple of years. 

:rip:
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