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The Laughter Zone / Re: A warning
« Last post by Clive on November 23, 2024, 13:05 »
Recent Posts
93
The Laughter Zone / A warning
« Last post by Den on November 23, 2024, 09:28 »A warning to all you
Be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and the Police are out there in their numbers checking on people.
Last night I was out for a few drinks.
One thing led to another and I had a few too many beers and then went onto Whiskey.
Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car where it was and took a bus home.
Sure enough, I passed a Police control where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyzer tests.
Because I was in a bus they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from.
Merry Christmas.
Be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and the Police are out there in their numbers checking on people.
Last night I was out for a few drinks.
One thing led to another and I had a few too many beers and then went onto Whiskey.
Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car where it was and took a bus home.
Sure enough, I passed a Police control where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyzer tests.
Because I was in a bus they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from.
Merry Christmas.
94
The Laughter Zone / Re: The rules.
« Last post by Clive on November 15, 2024, 20:18 »
Well said Den!!96
The Laughter Zone / The rules.
« Last post by Den on November 15, 2024, 17:39 »We often hear “the rules” from the female perspective. Now, here’s a lighthearted take on the rules from the male side. 🤣 Yep, this made me chuckle and shake my head at the same time!
These are the rules from Men:
1. Please note… these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Breasts are for looking at, and that’s why we do it. Don’t try to change that.
1. Learn to handle the toilet seat. You’re a grown-up. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we’re never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let’s be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!
1. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the interpretations makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you’re lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you’re prepared to discuss such topics as:
Sex,
Sport,
Cars,
or Computers.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping. 😊
~ Weird but True
These are the rules from Men:
1. Please note… these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Breasts are for looking at, and that’s why we do it. Don’t try to change that.
1. Learn to handle the toilet seat. You’re a grown-up. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we’re never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let’s be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!
1. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the interpretations makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you’re lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you’re prepared to discuss such topics as:
Sex,
Sport,
Cars,
or Computers.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping. 😊
~ Weird but True
99
The Laughter Zone / Husband number 6.
« Last post by Den on November 06, 2024, 20:44 »A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced five husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married five times?”
“Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband 2 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband 3 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband 4 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband 5 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was… God! I miss him!
But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!" “Good,” said the lawyer, “but why?” “You’re a lawyer!” she replies. “This time I know I’m going to get screwed.” <:
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married five times?”
“Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband 2 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband 3 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband 4 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband 5 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was… God! I miss him!
But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!" “Good,” said the lawyer, “but why?” “You’re a lawyer!” she replies. “This time I know I’m going to get screwed.” <:
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The Buzz / Re: Quincy Jones Dead at 91
« Last post by Clive on November 05, 2024, 08:33 »A fantastic musician and producer. I loved those songs he produced for Lesley Gore.