41
The Laughter Zone / Re: The outhouse
« Last post by Simon on April 27, 2025, 21:41 »
Recent Posts
42
The Laughter Zone / The outhouse
« Last post by Den on April 27, 2025, 21:20 »Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out....
"Pa, You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
So.......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back,
"Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse! "
Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"
Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back,
"Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,
"Ma Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies,...... "Hurt's, don't it ?!"
"Pa, You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
So.......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back,
"Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse! "
Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"
Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back,
"Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,
"Ma Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies,...... "Hurt's, don't it ?!"
44
The Laughter Zone / Re: Agent
« Last post by Clive on April 21, 2025, 19:28 »Didn't see that coming! 
45
The Laughter Zone / Agent
« Last post by Den on April 21, 2025, 18:47 »A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star."
Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials .
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years...you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian!
I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said and he left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER......The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.
Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for £50,000.
The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him £50,000?
He reads the letter enclosed...
Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in
Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it
with my God-given birth name, I refused.
You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van
Lesbian .. After I left your office, I thought about what you said.
I decided you were right. I had to change my name.
I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my
appreciation.
Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke!🤣
Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials .
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years...you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian!
I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said and he left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER......The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.
Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for £50,000.
The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him £50,000?
He reads the letter enclosed...
Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in
Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it
with my God-given birth name, I refused.
You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van
Lesbian .. After I left your office, I thought about what you said.
I decided you were right. I had to change my name.
I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my
appreciation.
Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke!🤣
48
The Laughter Zone / Cup final.
« Last post by Den on April 12, 2025, 18:42 »A friend of mine has 2 tickets for FA Cup final.
Both are Box seats.
He paid £2500 each but he didn’t realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.
If you’re interested, he’s looking for someone to take his place.
It’s at the Church of the good Shepard, at 3pm.
The bride’s name is Mary, she’s 5’5”, about 120lbs, very cute, and a good cook too. She’ll be the one in the white dress.
Both are Box seats.
He paid £2500 each but he didn’t realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.
If you’re interested, he’s looking for someone to take his place.
It’s at the Church of the good Shepard, at 3pm.
The bride’s name is Mary, she’s 5’5”, about 120lbs, very cute, and a good cook too. She’ll be the one in the white dress.
49
The Laughter Zone / Re: Paraprosdokians
« Last post by Simon on April 04, 2025, 21:49 »Love #9! I heard that years ago and have used it a few times!
50
The Laughter Zone / Re: Paraprosdokians
« Last post by Clive on April 04, 2025, 21:46 »Love it! And so true.