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General Discussion => The Laughter Zone => Topic started by: Sandra on November 19, 2002, 14:21

Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on November 19, 2002, 14:21
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it
started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He
studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ..........." he sighed,





 "let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: your_fox on November 21, 2002, 21:57
Someone else off my christmas card list.  ::)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on November 21, 2002, 22:05
Ah, Foxy -- PC-Pals answer to Melinda Messenger!  You've been quiet lately.  I take take your presence to mean you haven't started to install Win XP yet, then.  :)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: bat69 on November 21, 2002, 22:12
;D They could only be invented by blondes:  ;D

The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alchohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through tiolet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: your_fox on November 21, 2002, 22:13
I'm not quite sure how to open the box yet cos there aren't any instructions.  I'm working on it.  hehehe
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on November 21, 2002, 22:21
The instruction on how to open the box are on the INSIDE, Foxy!!   ;D ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: bat69 on November 21, 2002, 22:23
But don't forget the clear plastic wrapping has to come off before you open the box ;)



Don't you dare Rodders ;) :o
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: your_fox on November 21, 2002, 22:26
Oh its always the same.  No consideration at all.  :D  I'll just have to use a pair of scissors.  What do I do when I get it open?  Do I just put it in and let it do its stuff?
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on November 21, 2002, 22:29
Don't lose the little sticky label - that's your licence!!   :D :D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on November 21, 2002, 22:33
Foxy:  I think we should both sneak off over here (http://www.pc-pals.com/index.php?board=27;action=display;threadid=294) and get down to some serious installing.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: your_fox on November 21, 2002, 22:37
Oh I'm not doing it tonight.  I've got a headache.  :D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: bat69 on November 21, 2002, 22:42
You don't have a dog do you Foxy?




Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.

Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"

The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"

The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352."

This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."

The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on November 21, 2002, 22:44
Oh I'm not doing it tonight.  I've got a headache.  :D


Result!  And there was me worried about being up all night again.   ::)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Adept on December 02, 2002, 19:07
How do you keep a blonde at home?  
   
Build a circular driveway.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on December 02, 2002, 22:21
Adept Im shocked ...ney saddened at you joining in this blonde bashing thread  ::)  This is abuse!!.... now where's the Union when you need them!!  :'(
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on December 02, 2002, 22:37
Absolutely, Serengeti!  I'm all for union with every blonde we can muster.   :)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: bat69 on December 05, 2002, 12:18
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts
>wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She
>takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
>She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.
>Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not
>really a brunette, are you?"
>She says "No, I'm really a blonde".
>"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on December 07, 2002, 03:45
True Blonde Test

 

To find out if you are a true blonde, scroll down.





























































To find out if you are a true blonde, scroll up.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on December 17, 2002, 14:44
A blonde teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation. Trying to make the matter clear, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."  

"Yes," the class said.  

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright the blood doesn't run into my feet?"  

The answer came from the back of the class, "Cause  your feet ain't empty."

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on December 17, 2002, 17:04
Oh Clive you will be in deep do do when Serenity gets someone to read that to her  ;D  ;D  ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on December 24, 2002, 18:25
A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before and sets out to rent her first adult video.  She goes to the video library and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds stimulating.

When she arrives home she lights some candles, slips into something comfortable and puts the tape into the VCR.  To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video library to complain.  "Hey, I just rented an adult film from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."

"Sorry about, that," replied the shop manager.  "We've had problems with some of those tapes.  Which title did you rent?"

The blonde replied, "The one called 'Head Cleaner'."
Title: The Blondes Convention
Post by: Rodders on December 29, 2002, 20:24
80,000 blondes meet up at the NEC for the national "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention.

Their leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the entire world that blondes are not stupid.  Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up onto the stage.  The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed, then 80,000 blondes start shouting, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world's press and broadcasting media here, I suppose we can give her another chance."  So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh.  Everyone is pretty disheartened.  The blonde starts crying and the 80,000 other blondes begin to yell and wave their hands chanting, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

Their leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Just one more chance. What is 2 plus 2?"

The girl closes her eyes, and thinks very deeply. It takes a whole minute before she eventually says, "Four?".

Throughout the whole building chaos breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stamp their feet and scream, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on December 29, 2002, 21:21
I wouldnt like to be in your shoes Rodders when Serenity figures out how to use a calculator  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on December 29, 2002, 21:59
I can wait, Sandra.  I'm good for another 50 years at least.   ;D
(https://www.pc-pals.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hogarth.alivewww.co.uk%2Fsmilies%2Fblownup.gif&hash=9b5848c5eba18579836ac03c1e4b169410a1ad69)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on December 31, 2002, 20:55
I couldn't go out for the evening without leaving Serenity an excuse for harvesting plums.  Here we go then...



A policeman interrogates three blondes who are training to become detectives.  To test their skills in recognising a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognise him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well, uh, thats because the picture only shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognise him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!  Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his bloody profile!  Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognise him?"  He quickly adds, "Just think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmm - the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is quite taken aback because he really doesn't know whether the suspect wears contacts or not.  "Well, that's an interesting answer.  Just wait here for a few minutes while I look through his file."

He goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.  "Wow! I cant believe it.  It's true!  The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses.  Good work!  How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"It was easy," the blonde replied.  "He can't wear normal glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on January 01, 2003, 14:43
Parked by the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car crawling along at 22 miles per hour.  He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.  Approaching the car, he notices that there are five blondes - two in the front and three in the back of the car -- wide-eyed and as white as ghosts.

The driver is obviously confused, and she says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit?  No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly - twenty-two miles an hour," the blonde said proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.  A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am," the officer says, "I have to ask... Is everyone in this car okay?  These girls seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer.  We just got off Route 119."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: greenking on January 02, 2003, 18:50
A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?", the doctor asked.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the Blonde replied.

"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"

"No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, no, I just paid £10,000 for these.
 
Then I put it in my mouth and thought, I just paid £4,000 to get my teeth straightened.

 Then
I put the gun in my ear, and thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on January 04, 2003, 22:15
There were once 3 blondes stranded on a deserted island who couldn't think of any way to get off it.  One day, one of them tripped over what happened to be a magic lamp and after dusting it off, a genie suddenly appeared.

"I will grant you each a wish," the Genie said.

"Why not," thought the blondes. "It's worth a try."

"I want to be the world's best swimmer," said one, "so I can swim off the island".  She then jumped in to the ocean and swam away.

"I want to be a bird," another blonde said, and flew away immediately.

The third and last blonde thought for a while. "I want to be a man."

With that, she was instantly transformed and walked across the bridge to the mainland.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on January 06, 2003, 22:18
A blonde went into an electrical appliance shop and found a bargain.  "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

The blonde was very angry about this.  She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

The blonde didn't know how the salesman could have recognized her.  This time, she got a haircut, a new color, a new outfit and big sunglasses.  She then waited a few days before she approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on January 07, 2003, 19:19
I rest my case.  ;D

(https://www.pc-pals.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hogarth.alivewww.co.uk%2Fpix%2Fbrains.jpg&hash=5ff4d80dc0833d9715aba035fe21ffc6372fa25d)

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: bat69 on January 07, 2003, 19:28
I wish ............  :P ;) ;) :P :-[ >:D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on January 16, 2003, 22:36
A young blonde female stockbroker was bored with driving her BMW.  It lacked individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one.  She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.

That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible.  It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with it's gorgeous red paintwork.

An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car.  Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?  With that thought, there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop.  She got out and lifted the hood and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong.

Luckily she had her mobile phone with her, so made a quick phone call to the AA and after a short wait, saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.

"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter?"

"Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."

"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again.

"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?"

"Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied.

Looking shocked she asked, "Ok.  How many times a week do I have to do that?"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Whiskas on January 19, 2003, 18:29
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Whiskas on January 20, 2003, 23:51
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 23, 2003, 12:37
Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A. Because everyone gets a turn.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 23, 2003, 12:37
Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 23, 2003, 12:46
Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 23, 2003, 12:47
Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 23, 2003, 13:10
Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 23, 2003, 15:13
Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the banana peel on the floor?
A. Oh no, I'm going to fall again!
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 23, 2003, 15:16
A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims.

So the owner of the shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000."
"No problem! I'll write you a check!"

"Very good, sir." says the shop owner.
"Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared."

So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns.
The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"

"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on January 23, 2003, 17:52
Barra, send us a postcard from wherever you emigrate to!  

You're in DEEP S**T!!  :heehee: :pmsl:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 23, 2003, 20:33
If nobody explains them, I'm safe ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 24, 2003, 00:11
Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?
A. Brain tumor.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 24, 2003, 00:18
A blonde teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Whiskas on January 24, 2003, 16:11
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on the run from the law when they find an old barn to hide out in. The police are close on their tails, so when the women find three sacks, they immediately jump into them. About a minute later, a policeman comes into the barn and sees the suspicious-looking sacks. He kicks the first one.
"Meow," says the redhead.

"It must be a cat," thinks the policeman and he kicks the second sack.

"Woof," says the brunette.

"Must be a dog," thinks the policeman and he kicks the third sack.

"Potatoes," says the blonde.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on January 24, 2003, 18:03
:funny:  :pmsl:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on January 24, 2003, 18:33
Letter of Complaint

We blonds at the ofise are tard of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us.  We think this is hairassment.  It causes us grate stres and makes our rutes turn dark.  We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol.  We wil take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two.  Juj Thomas nos all about hairassment and he will be on are side.

We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursikushun.

We want a law that makes peepol tel brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red hed joke.  If we don't get our way we wil not date anybody that ain't blond and we wil make up jokes about u and we wil laff.

Sined by the blonds at the ofise  (with a penseel so you can erace it if u make a mistak)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Lona on January 25, 2003, 03:08
Blonde Faith

 
A blonde and a brunette are watching the 6 o'clock news, which is airing a story about a man threatening to jump off a bridge. The brunette says, "I'll bet you 50 bucks he jumps."
 
"Ok you're on," replies the blonde.
 
Sure enough, the man jumps. The blonde starts to count out 50 bucks when the brunette says, "I can't accept your money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump already."
 
"No, a bet is a bet, insists the blonde.
 
"I watched the 5 o'clock news, too, but I never though he'd do it again!"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Lona on January 25, 2003, 21:12
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond
female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again and went to the mail box
and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the
house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again,
marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder
than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

"My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

****************** *****************************************************

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out
of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather
and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds
down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde
says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your
load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the
street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.All out of breath, the
blonde
gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers
the window.

Again, she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your
load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops
this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Wisconsin and I'm driving the SALT
TRUCK !

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 26, 2003, 16:21
Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Lona on January 26, 2003, 16:23
A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off,
I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 26, 2003, 16:29
Hope I havn't posted this once already!

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747?
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 27, 2003, 00:12
Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
A. A golden retriever.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Whiskas on January 27, 2003, 15:25
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, " do ya see any cops following us?"

The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."

"Damn!" cursed the brunette. "Are his flashers on?

The blonde turned around again. "Yup... nope... yup... nope... yup...."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on January 29, 2003, 19:50
[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 29, 2003, 20:39
Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on January 29, 2003, 20:41
Laala la la la   :P
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 29, 2003, 20:57
Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?



A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on January 29, 2003, 21:04
:pmsl:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 30, 2003, 15:48
Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?


A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 30, 2003, 15:54
Q. What do you call a brunette between two blondes?



A. An interpreter.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on January 30, 2003, 16:07
Sorry to add to the misery of the blondes in this forum.  Oh OK, no I'm not.   ;D


A blonde named Pam appeared on "Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire" when Regis Philbin was still hosting.

Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?"

Pam: "Yes."

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."

Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol."

Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?"

Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be Pam's..."

Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."

Carol: "Oh geez, Pam. That's simple. It's a cuckoo."

Pam: "Are you sure?"

Carol: "I'm sure."

Regis: "Pam, you heard Carol. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the million?"

Pam: "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo."

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Pam: "Yes."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Pam: "Yes; I think Carol's pretty smart."

Regis: "You said C) cuckoo, and you're right!
Congratulations, you have just won one million dollars!"

To celebrate, Pam flies Carol to New York. That night they go out on the town. As they're sipping champagne, Pam looks at Carol and asks her, "Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"

"That's easy, everybody knows they live in clocks."


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on January 30, 2003, 16:10
Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?


 
A. An airbag.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Whiskas on February 01, 2003, 15:05
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?'' The voice answered, ''NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on February 01, 2003, 15:44
:pmsl:   They don't come better than that!
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Whiskas on February 03, 2003, 10:52
A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"

The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"

The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"
Title: Puzzles for Blondes
Post by: Rodders on February 09, 2003, 13:46
(Take as long as you need, Serenity.)
 
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Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on February 09, 2003, 13:51
B%$%$%$D !!! :'( I get urt u know
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on February 09, 2003, 13:55
Too tricky, eh?  Try this one then.   ;)
 
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Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on February 09, 2003, 14:05
"How come you're late?" asked the barman as the blonde waitress finally arrived for work.  

"It was awful," she said.  "I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident.  A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car.  His leg was broken and his skull was fractured -- there was blood everywhere!  Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute."  

"What did you do?" asked the barman.  

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on February 09, 2003, 14:18
:pmsl:  Love those, Rod!!
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on February 09, 2003, 14:22
Blonde's Cooking Diary
 

Monday:
It's fun to cook for Bob.  Today I made angel food cake.  The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.

- It was very nice of the neighbors to lend me some extra bowls.


Tuesday:
Bob wanted fruit salad for supper.  The recipe said serve without dressing.  So I didn't dress.

- What a surprise when Bob brought his friend home for supper.


Wednesday:
A good day for rice.  The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice.

- It seemed kind of silly, but I took a bath.  I can't say it improved the rice any.


Thursday:
Today Bob asked for salad again.  I tried a new recipe.  It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.

- Which led to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.


Friday:
I found an easy recipe for cookies.  It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it.

- There must have been something wrong with this recipe.  When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.


Saturday:
Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken.  He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).

- For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten.


Sunday:
Bob's parents came to dinner.  I wanted to serve roast.  All I could find was hamburger.  Suddenly I had a flash of genius and put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast.

- Much to my disappointment, it still came out hamburger.


Good night Dear Diary.  This has been a very exciting week.  I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob.  If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on February 09, 2003, 14:26
[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on February 09, 2003, 14:38
:blonde:  Who said anything about a battle of wits?  Oh, go on then.  I was wondering what to do with the next 30 seconds of my life.   :-*

PS.  It not like me to be photographed sleeping around.  ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on February 09, 2003, 14:50

Third time lucky?  ::)
 
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Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Adept on February 09, 2003, 15:00
Road Work

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever painted the most would get the job.

At the end of the first day, the redhead had painted 3 miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had painted 10 miles. The boss was so excited he told her to keep it up and the job was hers.

The next day, the redhead painted 5 miles and the brunette 5.6 miles and the blond 4 miles. He told her not to worry, she still had a good lead.

But, on the third day the redhead had painted 6 miles, the brunette 5 miles and the blonde only one mile.

The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde, "What went wrong, you were doing so well".

She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away."



The Blonde Sells Her Car

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."



The Cool Blonde

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are riding across the desert in a car when it breaks down. Having no mechanical skills, they decide they will have to walk back to town. Each decides what they will take along to help keep cool on their hot journey.

"I'll bring a thermos of water in case we get thirsty along the way," said the redhead.

"I'll bring an umbrella to shield us from the sun," said the brunette.

"I'll bring the car door," said the blonde with some pride in her choice.

"The car door?" the others asked in puzzlement.

"Yes," confirmed the blonde. "That way, if we get too hot, we can roll down the window."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Adept on February 09, 2003, 15:06
Just one more ... ;D

Duhhh!!

A blonde was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a horrible hail storm. The hail stones were as big as golf balls. Her poor car was badly dented all over.

The next day, the blonde took the damaged to a local repair shop. The repair guy, noticing that she was blonde, decided to have some fun with her. He told her to take the car home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and the dents would pop right out.

When she got home, she started blowing into the tail pipe as hard as she could.

After a few minutes, her girl friend (also a blonde) dropped by and saw her all red-faced, blowing into the tail pipe. Startled, her friend asked, "What are you doing?" clearly thinking the worse.

The blonde repeated the story of how the repair guy had told her to blow into the tail pipe really hard and the dents would pop out.

Her girl friend said, "Well duhhhh...you need to roll up the windows first."


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on February 09, 2003, 15:15

I've been asked if I could make these easier.  :-X
 
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Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on February 14, 2003, 18:53
A man requested a female blonde painter to paint him in the nude.

"No" the talented blonde artist said. "I don"t do that sort of thing.

"I"ll increase your fee two times," he said.

"No, no thanks!!"

"I"ll give five times as much as you normally get."

"Okay," said the artist, "but you have to let me at least wear my socks. I need somewhere to place my brushes."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Big_Boss on February 14, 2003, 22:44
Q. Hear about the blonde raking leaves.

A. She fell out the tree!  ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Big_Boss on February 14, 2003, 22:45
Q. Why did the blonde take a ladder to the pub?

A. She thought the drinks were on the house  ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on February 15, 2003, 15:16
The blonde came home and said to her husband, "Honey, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is - I got 18 out of 20 on my driver's test!"

He said, "Great!  So what's the bad news?"

"They were pedestrians."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on February 16, 2003, 13:12
Languishing in bed at around 10:30 this morning, I was surprised when Carol told me that it had snowed during the night.  "It's drifted against the kerb across the road," she said, "although I can't see much anywhere else."

"Are you sure?" I said.  "There was no sign of it earlier, when I let Evil Hoon out into the garden."

"See for yourself," said Carol, still peering from the window.

Struggling against a temporary increase in gravity, I reluctantly went over to the window and, on noticing a complete absence of snow in our garden, opened it to get a better view of this winter wonderland.  Try to imagine my delight on noticing a rectangular wet patch in the road, where a neighbour had evidently been washing their car.   ::)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on February 19, 2003, 16:30
The store manager was trying to decipher an invoice his stunning blond secretary had sent out. He called her into the office and asked,
"If I gave you $20,000 less 5%, how much would you take off?"
She thought a moment and replied,
"Everything but my earrings."


Q: Whats the first thing a blonde does in the morning?

A: Go Home


Q: What did the blonde Mom say to the blonde daughter?

A: If your not in bed by 10 come home.



Q: How do you drown a blonde?


A: Put a scratch n 'sniff at the bottom of a pool!

 

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Lona on February 21, 2003, 00:14
[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on February 21, 2003, 11:30
That one is so brilliant I can't believe it wasn't thought of before Lona!   :pmsl:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on February 21, 2003, 14:34
Serenity's going, "Yeah?  So?  Where's the joke?"  :pmsl: :blonde:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Adept on February 22, 2003, 17:17
Hanging with Blondes

There were nine blondes and a brunette hanging of a rope 100 stories high. They had decided that one of them had to get off.

They argued and argued and  finally the brunette said 'I'll go.'

The brunette made a touching speech and all the blondes clapped.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Adept on March 06, 2003, 21:36
Blonde Rows of Corn

A blonde is driving along a deserted country road with fields on either side. She looks out the window and sees another blonde in the middle of a field, in a rowboat, rowing and rowing.

She stops the car, rolls down the window and yells, "You know it's blondes like you who give the rest of us blondes a bad name!"

Getting no reaction from the blonde in the rowboat, she screams, "If I could swim I'd come out there and punch you out!"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on March 08, 2003, 10:52
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary, so he decides to buy her a cell phone.  She's really excited - she loves her phone.  He shows her how to use it and explains all the features of the phone to her.

The next day the blonde goes shopping.  Her phone rings and it's her husband.

"Hi Hon," he says. "How do you like your new phone?"

She replies, "I just love it!  It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell.  There's one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Sainsbury's?"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on March 10, 2003, 17:02
A blonde suspects that her boyfriend has been cheating on her for some time. In a fit of rage she visits a local gun shop and buys a pistol. She then takes the gun with her to her boyfriend's apartment to confront him with her suspicions.

As she arrives, she hears amorous sounds coming from within the apartment. In a rage she bursts in and finds her boyfriend in an amorous embrace with a lovely lady on the floor in front of her.

She reaches into her purse to retrieve the weapon and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.

In her grief, she raises the gun to her own head. The boyfriend jumps up and begins to plead with her not to end it all. She cocks the gun, looks him angrily in the eye and says, "Sit down and shut up, you're next!"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on March 11, 2003, 17:01
A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well... uh... that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha!  He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm... the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."




Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on March 21, 2003, 21:58
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Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on March 24, 2003, 20:19
[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on March 25, 2003, 00:14
I know one who used a digi cam to take a screenshot and asked how she could stop the flash reflecting on the monitor screen  ::)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on March 25, 2003, 07:48
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving to inspect a bull, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it
for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch
the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help
her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only
be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word
"comfortable."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable?'"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slowly. ("com-for-da-bul")

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on March 27, 2003, 17:12
Blonde First Aid

"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.

"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank goodness, I took that
first aid course -- all my training came back to me in a flash."

"What did you do?" asks the bartender.

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Whiskas on April 06, 2003, 03:27
A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a
"peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she's peels
it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've
won a motor home!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize
is a free lunch."

But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home!
I've won a motor home!"

Finally the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm
sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won
a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!"

The blonde says, "No it's not a mistake. I've won a motor
home!"

She hands the ticket to the manager and he reads...

" W I N A B A G E L "
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on April 13, 2003, 21:08
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.

A very attractive blonde lady arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, " I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm nude."

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral of the story: Not all blondes are dumb.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on April 13, 2003, 21:17
Moral of the story: Not all blondes are dumb.

Yeah, but who cares?   ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on April 14, 2003, 19:37
A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I can only sell the car."

"OK," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore trying to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.

About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on April 14, 2003, 21:39
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blond jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
 
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
 
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.
 
He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.
 
She replies yes.
 
He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
 
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....
 
(scroll down)... I love this one ...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on April 17, 2003, 10:07
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Take the pin out and through it back.  8)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on April 17, 2003, 10:08
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like mad shes got a grenade in her mouth!  :o
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on April 23, 2003, 12:24
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.
He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is  OK.
She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to
prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said...

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS  :P  ;D

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on April 23, 2003, 12:26
Typical BLONDE that was posted last week  ::)

Only  3 posts before you repeated it  :o
Maybe you could get someone to read the posts to you some day  :P
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on April 23, 2003, 12:37
You just HAVE to spoil my glory dont you Sandra!!  >:(  do I ever moan when Cammy nicks MY jokes and re posts them NOPE  :P

Hope yer hair turns pink now  :heehee:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on April 25, 2003, 23:32
Did you know Serenity went all the way over to Dublin before she found out that a 14-inch Murphy was just a portable telly?   ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: TR on May 02, 2003, 12:39
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me ... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ..........." he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Have a great day!


 ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 08, 2003, 15:28
Maxine, the platinum blonde, reported for her final examination which consisted of Yes / No answers.

She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper, and then in a bit of inspiration, took a quarter out of her purse. She started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for heads and "N" for
tails.

Within 30 minutes she was all done whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out. During the last few minutes of the exam period, Maxine frantically started flipping the coin again.

The moderator, concerned about what she was doing, stopped by her desk and asked if she was ok.

"Oh yes, I'm fine. I finished the exam a half hour ago-- but," explaining the frantic coin tossing, "I'm going back through and checking my answers!"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on May 08, 2003, 18:04
:pmsl:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: TR on May 09, 2003, 19:36
A man was in his front yard mowing grass,
when his
attractive blonde
female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house
and went
straight to the
mailbox.

She opened it, then slammed it shut & stormed
back into the
house.

A little later she came out of her house
again, went to the
mail box,
and
again opened it & slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into
the house
she
went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn,
she came out
again,
marched
to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it
closed harder
than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is
something
wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

(Are you ready? ... this is a beauty .)

My stupid computer keeps saying,
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on May 09, 2003, 19:52
:lol: :funny:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on May 10, 2003, 11:44
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 10, 2003, 11:56
I see that everyone is feeling lucky this morning!   :heehee:  There will be tears before bedtime.   ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on May 10, 2003, 12:08
It's all about confidence...Clive..!!

It's the only way to get those lucky nombers up... ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Adept on May 21, 2003, 13:51
How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?

There's Tippex on the screen  :P
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Adept on May 21, 2003, 14:37
Helping an overweight blonde

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Lona on May 24, 2003, 00:11
A blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
 
 5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
 
 Now think about it seriously, Mister.
Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."  
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on May 24, 2003, 08:32
:lol: :welldone: Lona....(y)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 29, 2003, 20:30
Blonde Fishermen
Two buddies are fishing, but they haven?t caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish.

They ask him "excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?"

The other fisherman replies,? If you just go up the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of hungry fish."

They thank him and go on their way. 15 minutes later, one fisherman says to the other, "Fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty."

He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. Still salty."

30 minutes later, he asks him to check again.

"Nope, still salty."

One our later they check again.

"Nope. Still salty."

"This isn't good," the fisherman finally says. "We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty!"

"I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty!"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on May 30, 2003, 15:47
A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.

The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!"

The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?"

The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"  

  ::) ;) ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on May 31, 2003, 16:24
There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island. The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. So, instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island. The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.  
  ;) 8) :-*
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on June 08, 2003, 15:02
At a pharmacy, a blonde woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained  that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would
figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. "It won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on June 14, 2003, 13:55
Three blondes are walking through the forest. They come upon some tracks.

The first blonde says "They're deer tracks."
The second blonde says "They're bear tracks."
The third blonde says "They're moose tracks."



Then a train hits them. ;) :-X ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on June 21, 2003, 23:27
A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.

She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Lona on June 27, 2003, 21:47
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
 
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
 An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
 
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to  borrow $5,000?"
 
The blonde replied,........................ "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41?"
 
 
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on June 27, 2003, 23:00
That's :clever: for a blonde.   ;D ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on June 28, 2003, 19:22
A blonde walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I've ever read. There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!"

The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who took our phone book."

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on June 29, 2003, 14:23
Blonde Rectum Deodorant?

- Blonde in Drugstore to Buy Rectum Deodorant
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."

"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?" asks the pharmacist "YES!", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her

"This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container...

"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on June 30, 2003, 17:32
Blonde on horseback

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to
its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune ......

Bill, the WalMart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on July 02, 2003, 12:25
Blonde cookbook
MONDAY:

It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUES
Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper.

WEDNESDAY:

A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY:

Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY:

I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

SATURDAY:

Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken.  He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some  reason Bob keeps counting to ten.

SUNDAY:

Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast.  All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash  of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the  controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much  to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY.

This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.



Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on July 04, 2003, 15:31
AUTO REPAIR
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

**************************************************


SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act
together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then
today you expect me to show it to you!"

**************************************************


RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and
sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and
shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

**************************************************


KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the
freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was
oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked
down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

**************************************************


IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science Nature. Her
question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your
name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked,
"Is it on or off?"

**************************************************


FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that
consists of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the
examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes
and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a
coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes,
for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the
class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she
is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my
answers."

**************************************************


RANSOM
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a
local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and
wrote this note:
"I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag
behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed,
The Blonde."
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him
to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in
a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.
Inside the bag was the following note....
"Here is your money. I can't believe that one blonde would do
this to another blond.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on July 04, 2003, 15:36
>>>SIGH<<<  Bored are we Cammy!  ::)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on July 08, 2003, 09:46
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready!...Aim!! ..." Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ... Aim!!..." Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.

 By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! ... Aim!! ..." ...and

the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

 8) 8) 8) ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on July 08, 2003, 17:07
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are traveling through the desert when their car suddenly stalls. They all get out of the car and, upon realizing that it's not going to
start, they each take one thing from the car. The brunette takes a bottle of water and the redhead takes a bag of food. The blonde gets some tools from the trunk, removes a door from the car and takes the door with her.

They begin to walk through the desert, and soon stop to rest. At this point the blonde and the brunette turn to the redhead and ask her why she brought the food. She replies, "Well, in case I get hungry I'll have something to eat."  They all think this is pretty reasonable.

Then the redhead and the blonde turn to the brunette and ask her why she decided to bring water. The brunette replies, "Well, in case I got thirsty I'll have something to drink." They all decide that's a good idea, too.

Finally, the brunette and the redhead turn to the blonde and ask her why on earth she would take the car door. She replies, "Well, I thought if I got hot I could roll down the window."  

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on July 11, 2003, 09:31
Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.
1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"

2nd blonde: "Chickens."

1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?"

2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can have BOTH of them!!"

1st blonde: "Well, I think you've got three."


 ::) :-\ :-X
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on July 11, 2003, 09:35
shhhhhhhesh is she fik or what  its 4!   ;D    ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on July 13, 2003, 18:38
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs
for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.

"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."  ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Lona on July 14, 2003, 22:27
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.
She tells the salesman:
"I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen."

The surprised salesman replies: - But, madam, computers do not have curtains....
 
And the blonde said:
 
Helloooo.... I've got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on July 28, 2003, 09:11
Two blondes are racing down a bumpy back road in a pretty beat up car down to a bank they're going to rob.

"Drive slower" pleads the one in the passenger seat, "I don't want all the nitro in the boot to explode."

"Relax," the driver replies, "even if it did, I've got a spare box under the seat . . . "
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: greenking on July 28, 2003, 18:19
A blonde is slightly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and do this for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost five pounds."

When the blonde returns in two weeks she's lost nearly twenty pounds  :o
"This is remarkable" says the doctor, "did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde says "Yes but i thought i was going to drop down dead on that third day"
"From hunger" asks the doctor

The blonde replies "No, from all that skipping" ::)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on July 29, 2003, 09:28
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.  The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days.  This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds.

The blonde follows the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she'd indeed lost twenty pounds.

She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:

"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on July 29, 2003, 09:29
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions -
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"

The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.

Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and,
sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now...
The 45th bus just went by!"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on July 29, 2003, 09:32
:funny: Hehehehe ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on July 29, 2003, 12:43
:pmsl:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: joudi on July 29, 2003, 19:31
Some blondes were making an experience on a frog in a laboratory. So they cut it's right hand and...beating on the experience table beside the frog and sying: "Jump"!  The frog jumped of fear. Then they cut the second hand and said: "Jump"!  It jumped again. After that they cut the left leg and said: "Jump"!  It jumped also. At last they cut the other leg and said: "Jump"!  :o  It didn't jump.

    Then they wrote on their report: "If we cut all the hands and legs of a frog, IT BECOMES DEAF  :-\  :'("
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on July 29, 2003, 20:56
Thats a good one Joudi,it just goes to prove that you can easily "jump" to the wrong conclusion  ;D ;D ;D

By the way Joudi the word is EXPERIMENT not EXPERIENCE,not a criticism just trying to help your already very good english.
Quelque jour j'espire que ma francaise est si bon :doggie:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: joudi on July 29, 2003, 21:37
Thanks a lot Sandra, I like to make my english better and I accept and even want others to correct me.

    Do you want some french correction too? Then take it:

    Instead of saying:

   
Quote
Quelque jour j'espire que ma francaise est si bon


   You can say:

   "J'éspère qu'un jour mon français sera aussi bon que le tien Joudi, et même mieux"

   Don't worry, may be your french will be better than mine one day because even my french is far from being perfect.

   Disons, Je me débrouille en anglais et en français.   :-X
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on July 29, 2003, 22:23
Merci beaucoup Joudi.
Qeulque temps les mots sont tres difficile en francais pour moi,mais ton anglais est plus meilleur que quelque anglais sur ici    ;) :-*
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on August 03, 2003, 22:06
What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
They've both swallowed a lot of se-men.

 :o ;) :P
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on August 04, 2003, 21:11
[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: joudi on August 04, 2003, 22:11
It's unbelivable Rodders!!!!!!!!!!

  It's not possible!!!!!!!!!

   But,....How come?   ???    ???    ???

   where did you get it from?

  You are really a naughty boy.   ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on August 04, 2003, 22:59
...where did you get it from?

Oh, it's just something I scanned from the pages of last week's edition of the Catholic Herald.   ::)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on August 08, 2003, 19:44
Two dumb blondes were driving through the middle of Kansas where there was nothing around for miles but wheatfields. One blonde says, 'Look over there!' There was another blonde wearing scuba gear and acting like she was swimming through the wheat. The other blonde says, 'Look over there!' where there was still another blonde in a boat. The blonde driving said, 'It's people like that that give us blondes a bad name.' The other blonde said, 'Yeah! And if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and beat the crap out of them!'

 ::)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on August 11, 2003, 14:01
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!' Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.' The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'. So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'. The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!'

 ;) ;D ;D 8) :P
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on August 12, 2003, 19:27
A blonde called her local council and requested that a Deer Crossing sign, near her home be removed.

She told them there were too many deer being killed and did not want them to cross there.  ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: TR on August 13, 2003, 13:03
[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on August 19, 2003, 22:08
One day, a group of blondes and a group of brunettes went ice fishing on either sides of the lake. They all got settled and started fishing. The brunettes were pulling out the fish like crazy, while the blondes didn't even get a bite! The blondes spent 2 hours trying to figure out what to do. Then they got it. They sent a 'spy' over to the other side to see what the brunettes were doing differently. So she went over there and started thinking and watching. She sat there for an hour. Then, she yelled 'I GOT IT!!' and ran back. When she got back, all the other blondes asked what the brunettes were doing differently. She said - 'They cut a hole in the ice!!'

 ;) ;D :P
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Lona on August 23, 2003, 16:55

LEAVING THE OFFICE EARLY
 
Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.
Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.
One day the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her.
After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?
 
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
 
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at thespa before meeting a dinner date.
 
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
 
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
 
"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."  
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: TR on August 24, 2003, 20:22
[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 17:46
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A: She'd just dyed her hair.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Michelle on August 29, 2003, 17:47
Q: What's the best way to kill a man?

A: Put a pretty blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 17:55
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.
A very attractive blonde lady arrived and bet twenty thousand
dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, " I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when
I'm nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice
and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up
and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up
all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared
at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral of the story: Not all blondes are dumb.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 17:56
Q. What is the difference between a blonde, and a rooster?

A: A rooster says cockadooledoooo, a blonde says, anycockwilldooo

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 17:58
The Lottery
A blond woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Brandi, You have to meet me halfway on this... You have to buy a ticket."


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 18:00
:D

This guy is sitting outside on his lawn when he sees his blonde neighbor walk outside and check her mailbox. With a confused look on her face, she walks back inside. Five minutes later, the blonde walks outside again to check her mailbox. Seeing that there is nothing in it, she walks back inside her house. Another five minutes later, the blonde comes back outside to check her mailbox. After watching the blonde check her mailbox 3 times in a row, the guy is pretty curious. When she starts to walk back inside again, he asks, "What are you doing?"
She says, "My computer keeps telling me that I've got mail."


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 18:01
There were three women, a brunette, a red head, and a blonde who were trying to break the world record for fastest time to swim across the English Channel doing only the breaststroke. The brunette shows up on the other side 48 hours later. "Congratulations!" everyone shouts. 2 hours after the brunette shows up, the red head appears. "Good try" everyone shouts to her. Two weeks later, the blonde shows up. When everyone asked her what happened, she replied, "I don't mean to sound like a poor sport, but I think the other two women were using their arms."

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 18:01
A Russian, an American and a Blonde were discussing space travel. The American argued that because they were the first to put a man on the moon, America was superior in space travel. The blonde stated her kind were going to be far superior to Russia and America because they were going to be the first to land on the sun. The Russian asked the blonde if she was nuts. Didn't she know that it was impossible to land on the sun? The American asked her just how in the hell she thought they could accomplish this considering the heat and extreme brightness of the sun." well, duh!" the blonde replied. "we're going at night."

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 18:03
In Las Vegas there's a nightclub that has a very special mirror in the ladies room. When you stand in front of this mirror and tell a lie the mirror swallows you.
A rather ugly woman stands in front of the mirror and says: '' I think I am the most beautiful woman in the whole world!''
SHUM! The mirror swallows her
Then a fat woman stands in front of it and says:? I think I am the sexiest woman on earth!''
SHUM! The mirror swallows her.
Afterwards a very good looking-sexy blonde stands in front of the mirror and says:
''I think.''
SHUM!


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 18:03
A Brunette a Blonde and a Red head are all in the third grade,
who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde,she's eighteen.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 18:04
On a flight to New York the flight attendant said to a lady sitting in first class, "Ma´am, I'm afraid you'll have to sit in the back since you have a coach ticket." The lady responded, "Listen, I'm a beautiful blonde, I'm going to NY, and I'm sitting in first class."

The two argued for a while but finally the flight attendant went and got the first officer - who came and said, "Ma´am, I'm afraid you'll have to move into the coach section since you have a coach ticket". To which she replied, "Listen, sir, I'm a beautiful blonde, I'm going to NY, and I'm sitting in first class."

After they argued for a while the first officer gave up and went to get the Captain who said, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a beautiful blonde." So - the Captain went right up to her, whispered in her ear, after which she got right up and moved into the coach section.

Both the flight attendant and first officer were shocked and asked the Captain - "I don't get it sir. What did you say to make her move back to coach." To which the Captain said, "Oh that was easy, I just told her first class wasn't going to NY!"


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 18:07
One day a blonde walked into a second hand store and asked the clerk "How much is that TV in the window?" The man said, "I'm sorry. I don't sell stuff to blondes." So She walked out. The next day she came in as a red head. She asked how much the TV was in the window again. And again he said he didn't sell things to blondes. The next day she came in again and asked for the third time how much the TV was. The man said "FOR THE FINAL TIME I DONT SALE STUFF TO BLONDES!!" She said, "How did you know I was a blonde?" He said, "That?s not a TV, It?s a microwave!!!!!"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 18:08
A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.
The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."
"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."
"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.
About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 18:08


There was a blonde and she bought a brand new Convertible Porsche. She was driving along and she hit a guy's diesel. The man got out burning with anger. He pulled the blonde out of the car got a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the road and put the blonde in the circle and told her to stay in that circle. Then he got back in his diesel and ran over the blonde's new Porsche several times. Then when he got back he saw that the blonde was laughing. He asked:? why are you laughing? I just ran over your car?. The blonde said,"I got out of the circle 3 times".

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 18:19
A blind man walks in to a bar and sits down to have a drink. He says to the bartender, "You want to hear a good blonde joke?" The bartender says, "Well, sir, I myself am a blonde and I really wouldn't appreciate it. And the man sitting next to you is about 265 lbs. and is also a blonde. Then the man behind you is a good 285 lbs. who just happens to be a blonde too. So let me ask you sir, do you really want to tell that blonde joke?" The blind man said, ?No. I don't feel like explaining it three times!"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:24


 :rock: :lol:A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street.
The brunette says to the blonde, "My boyfriend has dandruff so I give him Head and Shoulders."
The blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?!?!"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:25
:hi:
A blonde is racing to her convertible as it begins to rain. All of the sudden, she screams "NO, NO!!!!"
A man standing near by rushed to her aid. "What's wrong?"
The blonde said, "I locked the keys in the car and the top's down!"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:25
A Blonde sitting on first class. The flight attendant takes her ticket and says,? This is a ticket for coach, not for first class." The Blonde replied,? I?m Blonde, I?m Beautiful and I'm going to Chicago." Then the pilot came out and asked what was going on here and the flight attendant told the pilot the situation. So the pilot went over and whispered something in the Blonde's ear and she hurried back to coach. The flight attendant then asked,? What did you tell her?? The pilot replied,? I just told her that first class wasn't going to Chicago.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:26
Q. How do you know when a blonde's having a bad day?
A. Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:27
This blonde comes up to her mom and asks: Do babies come out where guys put their thingies? Her mom kind of astound says why yes.
She replies but wouldn't your teeth hurt?


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:27
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put her in a circle room and tell her there is a quarter in the corner.


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:28
Q: What did the blonde's left leg say to the right leg?
A: Nothing, they've never met.


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:29
Q: What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A: A blow job with handle bars

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:29
A brunette walked into a doctors office and said" Dr. Dr.! It hurts all over, what should I do! Every where I touch hurts!" He touched every where asking if it hurt, and her reply was always no, he then asked "Were you once a blonde?" " Why, Yes" she said "How did you know?" Because you have a broken finger!

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:30
Q: Why was the blonde mad when she got her drivers license?
A: She got an "F" in sex.


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:31

Q. What should you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
A. Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:32
Q: What do Santa, The Tooth fairy, and smart blondes all have in common?
A: They don't exist.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:32
Q: Why did the blonde jump off of the cliff?

A: Because she thought her maxipad had wings.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:33
Two blonde guys are driving a car on a very hilly road. They get to the top of a very high, steep hill and they start going down it very fast. The guy driving says "Oh my god! The brakes don't work!" and the guy in the passenger seat says "don't worry, there's a stop sign at the end of this hill."

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:33
A blonde named Barbara appeared on Who Wants to be a Millionaire....
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far, $500,000 and one lifeline left--phone a friend. The next question will give you the first ever million dollars if you get it right.... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000...are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure I'll have a go."
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it...
A-Robin, B-Sparrow, C-Cuckoo or D-Thrush
Remember, Barbara, it's worth 1 million dollars."
Barbara: "Oh, gees, that's simple.... it?s a cuckoo."
Regis: "You're sure? You can stick on $500,000 or play on for the million."
Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo."
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Barbara: "It is"
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Barbara: "Absolutely"
Regis: "Barbara, you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo. Well....you're right! You have just won 1 MILLION DOLLARS!!!! Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

That night Barbara calls her friend Carol and they go to a local bar for a celebration drink. As they are sipping champagne, Carol turns to Barbara and asks, "Tell me, how in God's name did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build it's own nest?"
"Get real!" Barbara replies, "Everybody knows cuckoos live in clocks!"


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:34
Q: What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A: Oh look! Donut Seeds!

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:35
A blonde walks into a shoe store and finds a pair of shoes she likes, she then asks the sales man what they are made of and the sales man says "they are made out of alligator", then proceeds to tell her that they cost $300.00. The blonde then says no way am I paying that much for these shoes, I?ll go and get my own. She then goes home, grabs a gun, and heads out to the swamp; she sees an alligator stick his head up out of the water and she shoots it. She then wrestles the alligator onto shore and drags him up next to five others, flips him over and says god dam nit, this one isn?t wearing any shoes either.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:36
This old couple lives in a cottage in front of an old country road with many potholes. Its 2 o'clock in the morning. It?s pouring rain outside and pitch black. This old couple is sitting up on the sofa watching TV when they hear a knock at the door. The old man goes and answers it. When he opens the door, a blonde appears and asks, "Can you give me a push?" The old man yells,? NO YOU FOOL! IT 2 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!" and slams the door in her face. He storms back to the sofa and his wife asks him who was at the door. The man told her about the blonde and how she wanted a push. The wife says, "Well, when YOU were in need of a push, YOU sure wanted one!" and forces him to go back outside and help the woman. The man goes outside and calls, "Ma'am? Are you still out here?" A voice replies, "Yeah, over here by the swing!"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:37
Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shirt?
It stands for, "Tits Go In Front."


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:37
One night a ventriloquist was doing a show one night in a small bar in Anakas. He was telling his usual dumb blonde jokes. When a blonde got up and stood on her chair and began to say "I've had enough of your stupid dumb blonde jokes. Why do you think you have the right to judge someone just because of the color of their hair?"
The man began to apologize "I'm sorry..."
The blonde then replied, "Shut up you, I'm talking to that jerk sat on your knee!"


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:38
Q. What do smart blondes and U.F.O's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but you never see them!
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:38
Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. I hope it's mine

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:39
Q. How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
A. Scroll down!





scroll up!

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:40
A blonde went into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother Overseas!"
The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?" he asked the blonde.
"Yes, anything" the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me." He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door." She did. He then said, "Get on your knees." She did. Then he said, "Take down my zipper." She did. He said, "Go ahead... take it out." She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!" The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly, "HELLO... MOM!"


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:40
Q. What is the first nursery rhyme blondes learn in primary school?
A. Hump me dump me!!

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:41
This blonde walks up to a service desk at a car shop and asked the attendant for a new 7I0 cap. The attendant was perplexed and responded to the blonde, "Miss, I don't know what you're talking about! There is no such thing as a seven ten cap."
"Well maybe it's a seven one zero cap!" "There is no such cap."
"There has to be! I got one off my car! It's cracked and I need a new one!" by this point a couple other male employees had come over and were listening to the exchange between the attendant and the blonde. Finally, one of the employees asked the lady if she had the requested part with her. "Sure!" she said. "It's right here!" She then pulled a plastic cap out of her purse. When she laid it on the counter, upside down for the gentlemen, the burst into peals of laughter. 'What's so funny?" The blonde demanded. "Do I get the part or not. "Lady," one of the men finally stated. "You don?t want a 7I0 cap! You want an 0IL cap!"


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:42
A blond stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"
"Yes, ma'am?"
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
"What was wrong with it?" asked the librarian.
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"
The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh! You must be the person who took our phone book."


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:42
One day two blondes were reading a news paper there was an add for a police job intrigued by the job they decided to go try out when they got there the second blonde got kind of scared and told the first blonde to go first and if she did good the she said she would try. So the first blonde went in and went to try out the sheriff saw her coming and thought whoa she is really blond I?ll go easy on her. So first he asked her whats 1 plus 1 she put her hands together and said 11 he said well if you look at it like that ok next what are two days of the week that start with 't' she said well today and tomorrow she said. Well ok now the last question who kill J.F.K she stared blankly for a while than said that?s going to take awhile she left and the other blonde asked how?d it go. Oh it was fine he asked me a couple questions and I got them all rite. He?s already assigned me to a homicide!

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:43
Q.Why was the blonde dissapointed with her trip to London?
A.Because she found out that "Big Ben" was just a clock.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:44
Why can't a blonde dial 911? She can't find the eleven.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:44
A blonde,a brunet, and a red head are about to be executed. They are asked for any last words, so the brunet yells hurricane, everyone looks and she gets away. Then the red head yells tornado, everyone looks and she gets away. Then the blonde yells fire, so everyone fires. Bang, she's dead!

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:45
Q.Why was the blonde's belly button black and blue?

A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:45
Have you heard about the new blonde paint?
It's not too bright but it spreads easy.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:46
*What's the first thing a blonde does when she wakes up?
Goes home.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:46
Q: What does a blonde call safe sex
A: Rolling up the windows and locking the doors

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:48
Why do blondes smile during lighting storms?
ANSWER:

They think their picture is being taken!

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:49
The phone rang late one night and the wife answered the phone in a tired hushed voice. Her husband listened as he heard his wife reply angrily "How the heck should I know? It's 300 miles away?" She hung up the phone and her husband asked, "Who was that?" and she said "Some lady asking me if the coast was clear!"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:49
How lovely you look, my dear!" gushed a wedding guest to the bride. And then she
whispered, "Whatever happened to that dizzy blonde your groom used to date?"
"I dyed my hair," replied the bride.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:50
Q: What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brunett?
A: Artaficial Intelligence

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:52
Q. How do you drownd a blonde?
A. Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the botton of the pool!

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:52
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?

A: They are both empty neck up.


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:53
A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, ''I can count higher than all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?''
Her mother replied, ''Of course it is, dear.''
The next day, the blonde said, ''I can say the alphabet higher than anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?''
Her mother replied, ''Of course it is dear!''
The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked her mother, ''I have a larger chest then all the kids in my class, do you think its because I am a blonde?''
Her mother replied, ''No dear, I think it is because you are eighteen years old."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:54
A man gave his blonde wife a cell phone for their 1st anniversary. He showed her how to use it and she absolutely loved it. One day when she was at the hairdresser, her phone rang. She turned it on and heard her husband's voice, "Hi Honey, how's the phone working out?" It's great, but how did you know where to reach me?"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:55
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to
purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600
dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to
buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and
decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for$599,no
less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a
telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her,
then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left.
She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her
the word, 'comfortable.'" The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ?comfortable'?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. ?She?ll read it very slow.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:56
One day this blonde was walking down the street when she noticed her house was on fire. So she called 911 and said help there is a fire! then she hung up. After a few minutes she called back and said help my house is on fire! Then she hung up.... she finally called back, help my house is on fire! The dispatcher then asked, mam how do we get to your house? the blonde said "DUH the big red truck!"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:57
A man calls his wife on her cell phone and tells her to keep an eye on the road. She asks her husband why? and he replies: "there is some lunatic on the road driving in the wrong direction". She then replies " that?s funny I?m continuously dodging cars".

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:57
Q.)Why did the blonde have lip prints on her windshield over her steering wheel?
A.)She was trying to blow her horn.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:58
Q. How do you get a blonde to laugh on a Monday morning?
A. Tell her the joke on Friday night!


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:58
A brunette and her blonde girlfriend are jogging together. The brunette says, "See that dog with one eye". The blonde covers her eye and says, "Where"?

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 19:59
A blonde was walking down the street with shower caps on her tits.
A guy asked her, "Hey, what's with the shower caps?"

"Shower caps?," she responded, "These are booby condoms!"


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 20:00
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 29, 2003, 20:01
A Russian, an American and a Blonde were discussing space travel. The American argued that because they were the first to put a man on the moon, America was superior in space travel. The blonde stated her kind were going to be far superior to Russia and America because they were going to be the first to land on the sun. The Russian asked the blonde if she was nuts. Didn't she know that it was impossible to land on the sun? The American asked her just how in the hell she thought they could accomplish this considering the heat and extreme brightness of the sun." well, duh!" the blonde replied. "we're going at night."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: joudi on September 03, 2003, 08:21
A man goes to the sea to pass his vacation time. Suddenly he sees a blonde girl sinking and trying to float without success, about to die. He huurries up to save her and says to her: "your hand...give me your hand.." She says: "no, go to my parents and ask my hand"   :'(   :'(   :'(
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on September 05, 2003, 12:39
A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.

While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.

She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is doing.

Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying...

"A little more to the left...a little more to the right"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on September 05, 2003, 17:38
(https://www.pc-pals.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.apax34.dsl.pipex.com%2Fsmileys%2Fhee-hee.gif&hash=c67e3b8b3e856c9641942fbba17c755937428ab9)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Mustapha Phagg on September 11, 2003, 11:13
Evolution:  

Space Shuttle launches with the following crew; two monkeys and a blonde. Once in orbit, NASA is heard.
"This is Houston, could monkey number 1 please carry out your task."
Monkey number 1 jumps over to the console, taps in a few instructions and a sattelite is promptly launched.
"This is Houston, could monkey number 2 please carry out your task."
Monkey number 2 jumps over to the console and enters the commands to return the shuttle to Earth.
"This is Houston, could the blonde please ca..."
"I know, I know... feed the monkeys and don't touch anything."  


Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Michelle on September 11, 2003, 14:05
:lol:

:good: :damn:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Tony on September 11, 2003, 14:40
that's a cracker Mustapha  :pmsl:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on September 17, 2003, 13:17
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.

"Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!
I almost had an accident!
I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me.
I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me.
I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, -
"Ma'am... that's your air freshener!"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on September 17, 2003, 17:23
:lol:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on October 21, 2003, 14:27
Two tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantgogogoch, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.

They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?

Would you please pronounce where we are ... very slowly?"

The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr Kiiiiiiing."

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on October 21, 2003, 16:26
:lol:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: TR on October 24, 2003, 20:07
Another Blonde Joke

Two bowling teams,one of all blonde and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.
The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus & the blonde team rides on the top level.
The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate.
When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road & clutching the seats in front of them. They all had white knuckles.
She says " What the heck's goin' on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the blondes looks up and says to her, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"


Women Drivers huh  ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on October 24, 2003, 20:12
:pmsl: :clever:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on October 25, 2003, 10:08
I dont care    na na na na na  :slug:   :banana:  :banana:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on October 26, 2003, 14:49
I hear Serenity took part in a womens swimming competition last week - 10 lengths of the pool - breast stroke.  Apparently, she finished a good 20 minutes behind all the other girls, and then complained that they'd been using their arms!   ::)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on October 27, 2003, 19:40
Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!" The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!" The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!" They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.




Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry . . . we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry... we still have one engine left."

A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on November 06, 2003, 07:59
Canadian Blonde

Norman and his blonde wife live in Calgary. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to
have 8 to 10 centimeters of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 centimeters of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 centimeters of snow today. You must
park..........." then the electric power goes out.
Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I
need to park on so the snowplow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in
the garage this time?"

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on November 06, 2003, 09:21
:pmsl: :P
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on November 06, 2003, 09:50
:slug: flipin blonde bashers!
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Michelle on November 06, 2003, 13:58
Yeah Grrrrr

Funny though :lol:

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on November 06, 2003, 18:37
:pmsl:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on November 11, 2003, 15:58
A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman.

"I'm diabetic, and I'm afraid I'm having an insulin reaction."

"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.

"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on November 15, 2003, 10:58
The bride lay in bed on the first night of their honeymoon while her husband stood at the bedroom window, gazing at the stars.

"Come to bed, darling," she whispered after some time had passed.

"Not likely," replied the blonde groom, "my mother told me that this would be the best night of my life and I'm not going to miss a minute of it."

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on November 15, 2003, 11:06
I didn't know you were blonde when you got married, Clive!   ;D ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on November 18, 2003, 21:33
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs & stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a big blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and yells,

"I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes, a*****e! What makes you think you can stereotype blondes that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep blond women like me from being respected at work and in my community and from reaching my full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general ...all in the name of humor!"

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up,

"You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little b*****d on your knee!"
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on November 18, 2003, 21:34
There were 11 women hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette.

They all decided that one person should jump because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off."

After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping?.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on November 18, 2003, 21:36
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "That is highly unlikely," says the doctor.

"Please, show me," So she takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. Then she pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so on and so forth.

Finally the doctor looks at her and says, "You're not really a brunette are you? You're really a blonde, right?"

She looks surprised and says, "Yes, Doctor!!" "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

:pmsl:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Barra on November 19, 2003, 14:02
What do you call a blonde with more than one brain cell?.................










.................. a golden labrador ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: princeofdarkness on January 02, 2004, 19:36
thats a cool joke at the top sandra  ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on January 02, 2004, 23:05
Yes it was a true story too PoD, Serenitys then boyfriend told me about it  ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on January 02, 2004, 23:37
:bitch:  If he DID Im gonna strangle him   ... if I ever find out where he escaped to  :tony:  :P
Title: Blonde Telegram
Post by: Simon on January 18, 2004, 10:59
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
 
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word. Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde, she'll read it very slow."
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on January 21, 2004, 12:00
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very
attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a
single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel
much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
"Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"
She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers.
She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them
asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought YOU were watching!"


MORAL : Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are the same !

 ::) :-X ;) ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on January 21, 2004, 18:13
:lol:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: greenking on January 22, 2004, 20:49
Blonde to supermarket Manager:- "I want a refund for this bottle of vinegar i brought the other day....It has lumps in it"


Manager:- "Madam....they are pickled onions"  ::)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: greenking on January 31, 2004, 15:25
1.  Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
(You have to hollow out the head.)

2.  Why won't they hire blondes as pharmacists?
(They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.)

3.  Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
(It took her a month to realize she could play it in the afternoon.)

4.  What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
(They drowned during Spring Training.)

5.  Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
(To see what was on the other side.)

6.  How did the blonde die drinking milk?
(The cow stepped on her.)

7.  How did the blonde burn her nose?
(Bobbing for French fries.)

8.  Why do blondes have more fun?
(They're easier to amuse.)

9.  What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
(Frosted flakes.)

10.  Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
(They keep breaking them with their hammers.)

11.  Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the air?
(She missed.)

12.  What is it when a blonde blows into another blonde's ear?
(Data transfer.)

13.  Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
(Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese.)

14.  Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead?
(She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind.)

15.  Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs?
(She needed them for the darkroom she was building.)

16.  Why are Asians so smart?
(No blondes.)

17.  What is the biggest advantage to marrying a blonde?
(You get to park in the Handicapped Zone)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Adept on January 31, 2004, 16:35
:pmsl: at all of them ;D ;D

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 09, 2004, 13:53
3 blonds wanted to cross a river , and they all had 1 wish each . so the 1st blond goes up to the river and wishes that she had long arms to swing across , she looses grip , drops & drowns .
The 2nd blond goes up to the river and wishes that she had long legs to step across , so she slips , falls in and drowns .
the 3rd blond wishes for some hair dye , so she dyes her hair brown and walks over the bridge !!!!! 8)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on March 09, 2004, 14:43
You'll fit in well in here White Fly  ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on March 09, 2004, 15:36
::) Not Another "Blonde" basher  >:(


By the way Fly! if you are going to have a go at us ... spell Blonde correctly  or you will never pass your GCSE's   :P  ;)



 :welcome:  :)




Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 09, 2004, 16:18
no offence Serenity , but being a blonde i'm supprised you remember to put the E on the end ,




              Yours faithfully

                                           FLY
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on March 09, 2004, 16:20
Someone hold me back  >:( Or I am liable to be prosecuted for child abuse!!!!




















   cheeky tinker   :naughty:  



Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Michelle on March 09, 2004, 18:10
Whoops - I was holding you back Serenity but I must have let go by accident!!  ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: greenking on March 09, 2004, 18:26
:pmsl: Fly.......you could go far  :)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 09, 2004, 18:55
I will go far green king , just you watch !!!! ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on March 09, 2004, 19:22
You certainly will with Serenity's boot behind you!   ;D ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 09, 2004, 19:54
Simons just jelous because he's not got my blond mocking talent ! 8)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on March 09, 2004, 20:05
You obviously have a lot of posts to catch up on, White Fly!   ;) ;D ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 16, 2004, 13:36
why isnt any one taking the mick out of blondes anymore  ???
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: flame spark on March 16, 2004, 13:39
does anyone know how to get dancing logos plz! by the way i'm flame spark nice to meet ya!
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 16, 2004, 13:42
go on your profile at the top and scroll down to the logo bit the choose ya logo and press o.k
by the way nice to meet you to flame spark


                        fly 8)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on March 16, 2004, 13:50
Hello Flame Spark and  :welcome:  a word of warning, I do not tolerate any blonde bashers... so beware  :naughty: and DONT get into any shananigans with that White Fly he is a BAD influence  ;)





Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: flame spark on March 16, 2004, 13:51
wot da think of this then fly!

a blonde goes to a electronic shop and says to the person at the counter "can i buy that tv over there plz." The shop keeper sez sorry we don't sell 2 blondes." so next day she comes back as a brunett. and says "can i buy that tv over there plz." shop keeper sez "sorry we dont sell to blondes." and she walks away puzzled. next day she comes as red head and same again. "can i buy that tv over there plz" shop keeper sez sorry we dont sell to blondes". so next day she comes with black hair. "can i buy that tv over there plz." she sez. shop keeper sez "sorry we dont sell to blondes" so she sez i came as a red head,brunett and with black hair so how do u know i'm blonde" the shop keeper replys "i know because thats not a tv over there. its a microwave." ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 16, 2004, 13:51
nice 1 mate wait till serenity hears that one  ;D  another blonde basher !!
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: flame spark on March 16, 2004, 13:53
OOPS. ERM  YEAH WELL SORRY DONT READ WOT I SED ON PAGE 15 THEN! :o
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 16, 2004, 13:56
where did you get that serenity ? im not a bad influence
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on March 16, 2004, 14:01
::)  ::)  Kids!

Oi you two, you should be back in school by now! come on chop chop or you will be late!  :o
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: flame spark on March 17, 2004, 10:19
we r in skool so done u serenity :D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: flame spark on March 17, 2004, 10:28
hey fly i told seren all right. she saw the joke wot a laugh! ;D
hey any way fly c u l8er. spark!
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: flame spark on March 17, 2004, 10:33
hey any 1 on here or not!
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: flame spark on March 17, 2004, 10:35
c u l8er me peeps! ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on March 17, 2004, 10:59
Ermmmm are we interrupting your school work boys  ::)

I shall be having a word with your I T teacher now I know your IP address  ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 17, 2004, 15:38
im out of skool now and back to my part time job (taking the mik out of blondes , dont you think sparks cool , hey serenity  
 :bart:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on March 17, 2004, 16:15

 dont you think sparks cool , hey serenity  
 



Ermmm you right I Dont!  awww maybe I should'nt take the "mic" seeing as he is your boyfriend  ;)














Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: TR on March 17, 2004, 16:53
You lads will go far, keep up the good work  ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 17, 2004, 19:09
maybe we should'nt take the mick out of all the  blondes on this planet but we will anyway , only joking !  ;)
happy now serenity ?


Fly






 ;) good lad

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 17, 2004, 19:27
that shut you up a bit did'nt it serenity
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 17, 2004, 19:31
i guess you have  got enough brains to get me and spark back have you , being blonde an all !
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on March 17, 2004, 20:00

i guess you have not got enough brains to get me and spark back have you , being blonde an all !



 ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: flame spark on March 18, 2004, 13:12
soz serenity for takin the mic. we are on your side now. brunettes beware! :brain:




             spark ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on March 18, 2004, 13:20
Hey watch it Sparky, the brunettes on this forum are more powerful than the blondes  :o

This is one place where the dark side always wins out over the light side, or in the words of Obi Wan "If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you could ever imagine"  :slug:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on March 18, 2004, 13:22

soz serenity we are on your side now.


That was a sudden defection!  How much did she bribe you?    :heehee:
Title: I am whiteflys mate
Post by: spitfire on March 18, 2004, 13:24
Hi- first of many posts here
im adam.

ill try and think up some blond jokes, the thing that puzzles me is im not a blond and im still as thick as blondes oh well

  :D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on March 18, 2004, 13:34
Hi Spitfire and :welcome:

Its fine to take the P out of blondes but just dont try it with the brunettes  ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on March 18, 2004, 13:44

Its fine to take the P out of blondes but just dont try it with the brunettes  ;)


Whats the matter Sondra are you  :chicken:   :P
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 18, 2004, 15:51
i think your right serenity
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on March 18, 2004, 15:57
oh and remember this "spitfire" you only take the mic out of brunettes here got it (go to general discussion and go on thick brunettes ) it s a bit better than this page !! ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on April 01, 2004, 11:19
Now See Im getting confused ere, am I supposed to be joining 2 dots or 4 in the 1st quiz  :-\  ohhhh dilemma dilemma  ::)  ::)


http://64.4.36.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=90852a5c2d214da1b6788d876480a095&lat=
1080814648&amp;hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fbd%2ef%2efunnyjunk%2ecom%2fz%2f852X5371361 (http://64.4.36.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&amp;lah=90852a5c2d214da1b6788d876480a095&amp;lat=<br />1080814648&amp;hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fbd%2ef%2efunnyjunk%2ecom%2fz%2f852X5371361)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on April 01, 2004, 13:49

ADAM i know i dont own a pc and i dont know much about them niether (yet) but thats the whole point of learning is it not!



Thats a good attitude Sparkie, you are never too young or too old to learn something  :)

I didnt have a pc myself until about 3 years ago and didnt know anything about using them apart from playing a few games prior to that, I had never surfed the net or e mailed.
So at the ripe old age of 50 I got a secondhand P166 and with a little help from some friends, people on here and a lot of trial and error, I learned a bit each day and am still learning  :)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on April 01, 2004, 13:55
cool , im still learning too , i have to admit it is good fun learning about hardware and softwear , still learning HTML  ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on April 01, 2004, 22:56
Indeed it is comforting to learn that even makers of self-assembly furniture have begun to cater for those unfortunate ladies who have sadly now become intellectually challenged through the well-meaning application of Hydrogen Peroxide derivatives.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on April 02, 2004, 07:48
:bart:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on April 02, 2004, 18:15
keep ya  ass  bum to ya self , serenity
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: TR on April 07, 2004, 16:47
Came here to see a few blonde jokes and what do I find ..Kids (https://www.pc-pals.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fforums.mg-rover.org%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fnaughty.gif&hash=6a14ce4984c035e77c49be4203fc0cb8a28425a3)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on April 07, 2004, 16:55
how did you get that one hooky ?
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: TR on April 07, 2004, 18:35

how did you get that one hooky ?


hooky ..Hooky..tut tut (https://www.pc-pals.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fforums.mg-rover.org%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fsad2.gif&hash=f4873b5294bbf484b63a69f0ce14def669a555ce)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: princeofdarkness on April 14, 2004, 18:03

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, &quot;Please come over here and help me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it
started.&quot;
Her boyfriend asks, &quot;What is it supposed to be when it's finished?&quot;
The blonde says, &quot;According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.&quot;
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He
studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, &quot;First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.&quot;
He held her hand and said, &quot;Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ...........&quot; he sighed,





 &quot;let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box.&quot;


lol that was a good joke  ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: princeofdarkness on April 14, 2004, 18:39
on a lighter note..

i have some jokes..

1.

She was so blonde that


- she thought TuPac Shakur was a jewish holiday
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it
- she thought a quarterback was a refund
- she tried to put M&amp;M's in alphabetical order
- she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats
- under &quot;education&quot; on her job application, she put &quot;Hooked On Phonics&quot;
- she tried to drown a fish
- she tripped over a cordless phone
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said &quot;concentrate&quot;
- she put lipsick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind
- she got stabbed in a shoot-out
- she told me to meet her at the corner of &quot;WALK&quot; and &quot;DON'T WALK&quot;
- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death
if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back
- they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
- at the bottom of the application where it says &quot;sign here&quot;... she put &quot;Sagittarius&quot;
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store
- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless
- she studied for a blood test - and failed
- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train
- she sold the car for gas money
- when she saw the &quot;NC-17&quot; (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved
- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said &quot;Airport Left&quot; she turned around and went home.

2.
A blonde goes into a world-wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland.

When the man tells her it will be $300, she exclaims, &quot;I don't have any money but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!&quot;

To that the man asks, &quot;Anything?&quot;

And the blonde says, &quot;Yes, anything!&quot;

With that, the man says &quot;Follow me.&quot;

He walks into the next room and tells her to enter and shut the door. The blonde complies.

He then says &quot;Get on your knees&quot; and she does that as well.

He then says &quot;Unzip my fly&quot; and she does.
He then says &quot;Go ahead and take it out.&quot;

With that, she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands.

The man then says, &quot;Well, go ahead!&quot;

She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips..

She says &quot;HELLO, MOM?&quot;

3.
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear.

One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror.

The brunette goes first.

&quot;I think I'm the smartest woman on earth.&quot;

&quot;POOF!&quot; She disappears. The redhead goes up to try.p&gt;&quot;I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth.&quot;

&quot;POOF!&quot; She disappears.

The blonde goes up.

&quot;I think--&quot;

&quot;POOF!

4.
A blonde wanted to win the lotto so she prayed to god, and she lost. Next week she prayed to god again, and she lost. The week after she prayed to god, and she lost. She said to god, why wont you let me win? God replied, How about buying a ticket first?

5.
A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.

The brunette came in first, the redhead second.

The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.

After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked; &quot;I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms.&quot;

lol hope you enjoyed those jokes  ;D


Jonah
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on April 14, 2004, 20:35
FINAL WARNING!!![/i][/u]   &gt;:( &gt;:(

Do not use this website to air your personal differences!!

Edit to explain the above warning:  There has been a lot of squabbling between certain younger members on this thread, and in others on the forum.  I had originally closed the thread, but after further discussion, we have decided that as this thread is one of the longest running, and most popular on the forum, we are going to re-open it, but we will be removing any recent posts which are not contributory to the theme of the thread.  This means that some posts counts may be reduced, and the thread may look slighty disjointed in places.

This thread is now back on topic.  Next blonde joke, please!   ;D ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: white fly on April 15, 2004, 22:14
TO ALL THE MEMBERS ON THIS FORUM !

i understand that myself and a few other users have been very foolish in silly squables in the past , which is why i'm making this post ! , me and jonah have hopefully straightened up , and i agree that this thread should be kept a place for for blonde jokes and thats the way it will stay ! ,

THEREFORE , I APOLOGISE FOR ALL MY FOOLISH BEHAVIOR AND INCONVINIANCE I HAVE CAUSED UPON OTHER MEMBERS !  :soz:  
i'm still gettin there at learnin about pc's as to help others and not to use this website to air our personal differences!!
(this is a brilliant forum , and thats the way it should also stay , NOT laydend down with such foolish stuff as stated above !!!  this will not happen again  :(


Anyway as simon said &quot;bring on the blonde jokes&quot;  ;D









Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: flame spark on April 20, 2004, 17:12
i jus thought i should apologise so here it is
i am sorry for the misbehaviour on the thread and must admit their is no point squabbling on the forums and using them to air our differences. I admit i am still learning about buildings pc's and if any one has a problem with that them keep it to youre self because frankly i dont care wot u say. as simon says this is a respectful site and i apologise once again :soz:. this shall never happen again, as u can see i am now known as walker, flame spark flame has been doused

walker
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: cerebus on May 05, 2004, 18:50
hey. so wahts all this apologisein'. has some one been naughty! tut tut... :naughty:. by the way some good jokes on here.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 18, 2004, 23:17
Leaving Early
A BRUNETTE, A REDHEAD &amp; A BLONDE all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work early.

One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the office when she left early, so how was she to know?

The next day, they all three left the office right after the boss left. The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the health club before meeting her dinner date.

The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to the bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS.

Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they were leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming with them.

&quot;NO WAY,&quot; she exclaimed, &quot;I almost got caught yesterday&quot;

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: cerebus on May 24, 2004, 16:41
Hey i dont know how y'all come up with these jokes. :) I couldn't crack a joke to save my live let alone to make some 1 laugh!
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Adept on May 29, 2004, 21:25

Hey i dont know how y'all come up with these jokes. :) I couldn't crack a joke to save my live let alone to make some 1 laugh!


It's amazing what you can find on Google cerebus ;)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: cerebus on June 06, 2004, 17:25
Hey i had a look on google and found a joke that was the funniest of the lot so here it is

Q: what do you call a dead blonde in a closet
A: last years hide and seek winner! ;D  ;D
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: cerebus on June 06, 2004, 17:53
Hey hey folks i found loads of blonde jokes for y'all to read.

1.
How did the blond explain how her helicopter crashed?
She said it was getting cold, so she turned off the ceiling fan.

There were two blondes walking down the street and they spotted a compact.
They rushed over to see who it belonged to so they could return it. The
first one opens it and says, &quot;This person looks familiar&quot; The second one
says, &quot;Let me see.&quot; She looks at her friend and says, &quot;Silly, that's me!&quot;

Why did the blond only smell good on the right side?
She didn't know where to buy Left Guard!

Did you hear about the blond who just bought an A.M. radio?
It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

What does a postcard from a blond's vacation say?
Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

Why did the blond scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blond tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Why did the blond get so excited after she finished the jigsaw
 puzzle in only six months?
Because on the box, it said &quot;From 2-4 years.&quot;

2. this one is a bit dirty but don't worry if your a blonde it will go right over your head any way

How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering
 what she did with her pencil.

3.

Did you hear about the blond prisoner who was found in her cell
 with half a dozen bumps on her head?
She tried to hang herself with a bungee cord.

Hear about the blond explorer?
She bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.

4. just one last joke about a food fanatic.

How does a food fanatic spell refrigerator

O-I-C-U-R-EMPTY

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D




Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on June 06, 2004, 20:47
Quote
Did you hear about the blond prisoner who was found in her cell with half a dozen bumps on her head?
She tried to hang herself with a bungee cord.


:pmsl:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on June 06, 2004, 20:48
::)  ::)  ::)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on June 06, 2004, 21:57
 ::)  ::)  ::)

Sorry, boiler, but they would take too long to explain.  (https://www.pc-pals.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hogarth-hq.com%2Fsmileys%2Fjester.gif&hash=233693dbe3728d00ddb7adaec1be66275d3f1620)
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Lona on June 26, 2004, 17:59
Answering Machine at a Mental Hospital...
  &quot;Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......&quot;
  If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
  If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
  If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
  If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.
  Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
  If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to
  the mother ship.
  If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
  you which number to press.
  If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
  press, no one will answer.
  If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
  If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until
  a representative comes on the line.
 
  If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
  number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's
  maiden name.
  If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y &amp;
  c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
  If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep
  or
  before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
 
  If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
  memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If
  you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
  If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too
  busy to talk to you.&quot;
 
  If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down &amp; cry. You
  won't be crazy forever.
  If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on July 23, 2004, 15:10
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer that was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. &quot;What does it look like?&quot; she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, &quot;It's square and it has your picture on it.&quot;
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. &quot;Here it is,&quot; she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, &quot;Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 11, 2004, 14:56
A blonde goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer decides to start with the basics.
'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?'

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for
about 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!'

The interviewer tries another straightforward one
to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, please?'

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring
tape from her handbag. She then traps one end
under her foot and extends the tape to the top of
her head. She checks the measurement and announces, 'Five foot two!'

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?'

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, 'Mandy!'

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?'

'Ohh that!', replies the blonde, 'That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....''

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 23, 2004, 16:23
SUBJECT: TGIF!!!

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright,&quot;T-G-I-F.&quot;
He smiled at her and replied, &quot;S-H-I-T.&quot; She looked puzzled, and repeated, &quot;T-G-I-F,&quot; more slowly, He again answered, &quot;S-H-I-T.&quot;
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so, she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, &quot;T-G-I-F.&quot;
The man smiled back to her and once again, &quot;S-H-I-T.&quot;
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain,&quot;'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?&quot;
The man answered, &quot;'S-H-I-T' means Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday.&quot;
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: greenking on August 30, 2004, 12:11
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes,charter a
double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Brisbane. The
Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on
the top level.The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a
great time when one of them realized she hasn't heard anything from the
Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate. When the Brunette
reached the top, she found all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring
straight-ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white
knuckles. The brunette asked, &quot;What the heck's going on up here? We're
having a great time downstairs!&quot; One of the Blondes looks up at her,
swallows hard and whispered











 &gt; &quot;YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER.&quot;
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on August 30, 2004, 16:25
:funny: :heehee:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 30, 2004, 19:14
Brilliant GK!   ;D  Here's another:


A woman walks into the doctor's office and says, &quot;Doctor I hurt all over.&quot;

The doctor says, &quot;That's impossible.&quot;

&quot;No really! Just look, when I touch my arm, ouch! it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch! it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch!!, it really hurts,&quot; she replies.

The doctor just shakes his head and says, &quot;You're a natural blonde aren't you?&quot;

The woman smiles and says, &quot;Why yes I am. How did you know?&quot;

The doctor replies, &quot;Because your finger is broken.&quot;

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Lona on October 30, 2004, 23:30
Seven degrees of blonde

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, &quot;How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!&quot; and hung up.

The husband said, &quot;Who was that?&quot;

The wife said, &quot;I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.&quot;

,.-:* ` *:-.,_,-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:*

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, &quot;Hmm, this person looks familiar.&quot;

The second blonde says, &quot;Here, let me see!&quot;

So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, &quot;You dummy, it's me!&quot;

_,-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:*

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, &quot;No, honey, don't do it!!!&quot;

The blonde replies, &quot;Shut up, you're next!&quot;

_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:*

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, &quot;Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.&quot;

A friend says, &quot;OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?&quot;

The blonde replies, &quot;Oh, that's easy: W.&quot;

_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,-:*

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

&quot;Is it mine?&quot;

_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-,_,.-:*

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, &quot;That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.&quot;

_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:*

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, &quot;I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman.&quot;

Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on January 26, 2005, 19:59
Q  Whats the difference between a blonde and a supermarket shopping trolley ?


A  A supermarket shopping trolley has a mind of its own  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 18, 2005, 23:41
for bev bless her

 :D

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

A blonde saw a "¿" on her computer screen and asked another blonde,
"How do you do that?" She responded . . .
"Simple, turn the keyboard upside down!"
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 18, 2005, 23:45
bev there is more

 :P

    Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
    A1: Blow in her ear.
    A2: Buy her another beer.

    Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
    A: "Thanks for the refill!"

    Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
    A: Data transfer.

    Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
    A: A wind tunnel.

    Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
    A: Perri-air.

    Imitation of a blonde refuelling..
    (Flap hand, blowing air into ears)

    Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
    A: Air Pockets
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 18, 2005, 23:47
and more bev

 :twisted:

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

Q: How do you tell if a bleach blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: GillE on February 19, 2005, 02:59
I'm surprised this one hasn't made an appearance...

Q:  What do you call an intelligent blonde?

A:  A labrador.
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:29
Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?

To see what was on the other side!!!
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:30
Q: Why do blondes have t-g-i-f on their shirts?
A: It means this goes in front.
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:30
There were three girls, a blonde, a brunette and a red head and
the were at the doctors office because they had all gotten
pregnant. As they were sitting there talking, the brunette
said "I'm going to have a boy because I was on top". The red
head said "Well I am going to have a girl because I was on the
bottom." The blonde starded crying hysterically and the other
two girls asked "What's wrong?" The blonde said "Oh no I'm
going to have puppies!"
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:31
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage
without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the
state trooper arrived.
"My goodness!" the trooper exclaimed "Your car looks like an
accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as
he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was
driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops
up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was
another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree!
I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to
the left and there was...."
"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a
tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener
swinging back and forth."
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:32
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant?

"Is it mine?"
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:34
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the
loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for
two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security
for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls
Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,
she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to
accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at
the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a
$5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the
Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest,which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss,
we are very happy to have had your business, and this
transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled.
"While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are
a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to
borrow $5,000?"
The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park
my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there
when I return?"
Finally, a smart blonde joke!
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:35
A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in
Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class
section and sits down. The flight attendant watches
her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells
the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will
have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm
blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm
staying right here." The flight attendant goes into
the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that
there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that
belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to
explain that because she only paid for Economy she
will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde
replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
Montreal and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should
have the police waiting when they land to arrest this
blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a
blonde. I have learned to speak 'blonde."

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and
without question she gets up and moves back to her seat
in the Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot
are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move
without any fuss.

"I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:35
There were 2 blonde men and a woman hanging from a plane that
is going to crash. One of them has to let go to lighten the
plane so it wouldn't crash. The woman says: "I'm going to let
go because I want to be a good citizen." The men clap.
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:36
A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all blondes
were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the
questions. On the day of the judging the people started off by
asking, "What is 59+2?"
The first blonde contestant responded by saying, "57?"
The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give
her another chance!"
Then they asked, "What is 15-5?"
The blonde responded, "20 right?"
Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give her
another chance, give her another chance!"
The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What is 1+2?"
"3?" said the blonde.
The rest of the blondes say, "Give her another chance, give her
another chance!"
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:36
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops,
they hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags,
the first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it, she
says "meow" the cop confirms that it is just a cat. The second
cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it she says "woof". The
cop says that it is just a dog. The third cop pokes the bag
with the blonde in it she say in her sweetest voice "POTATO."
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:43
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable?'"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde."

"She'll read it very slowly."
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:44
This blonde that was so stupid that.......

~ she called me to get my phone number.

~ she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

~ she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

~ she got stabbed in a shoot-out.

~ she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."

~ she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

~ she sat on the TV and watched the couch.

~ she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

~ she tried to drown a fish.

~ she thought a quarterback was a refund.
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:45
Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!"

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

The third, a blonde male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.

However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have to laugh when I think about it", he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece."

"I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least five boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis!"
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:46
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.

They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.

The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:48
There was a blonde and she wanted to buy a TV and so she went to a store to buy a TV. She goes in the store and looks around and finds a TV she really likes.

She goes up to the man at the cash register and says "Hey can I buy this TV?"

The guy says "No, I don't sell any thing to blondes!"

Sad, she leaves the store but then as she is passing a salon she has a good idea ( for once) she thought "I am gonna dye my hair."

The next day she comes in the store with black hair she finds the TV and says "Hello. can I buy this TV?"

"No, I don't sell to blondes"

Well, this dyeing her hair a different color goes on and on at last she dyes she hair blue, comes in and says "Can I get a TV?"

"No, I don't sell to blondes." he said for the 6th time.

"But how do you know I am a blonde?"

"Because miss that isn't a TV, it is a microwave."
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:48
Q: Why can't blondes count to 70?

A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 27, 2005, 23:50
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas.With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 28, 2005, 00:17
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on February 28, 2005, 00:20
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with expensive double panel energy-efficient kind.

This week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year ago and I had yet to pay for the window replacement.

Boy oh boy, did we go around!

Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

I proceeded to tell him that his fast talking sales manager had told me at the time of installation that in one year the windows would pay for themselves.

There was silence on the other end of the line so I just hung up and I haven't heard from him since.

Guess I won that argument.
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on March 01, 2005, 21:12
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary.  So he decides to buy her a cell phone.

She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.

The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi Hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?"

She replies, "I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal Mart?"
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on March 30, 2005, 22:40
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, I just graduated from Brigham Young University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Tennessee and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, y'all ain't Gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on March 30, 2005, 22:48
:o

makes life more exciting with your excellent humour, please keep up the good work Clive nice to know that your still alive and kicking cheers

Paul
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 09, 2005, 16:27
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 98 mph.

"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel "Any cops following us?"

The blonde turned around and had a long look at the road behind them.
"Yeah, looks like it"

"Are his flashers on?"

The blonde turned around again...... Lemme see....

"Yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....nope....yup..."
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 25, 2005, 11:24
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain
and the top is down!
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on June 28, 2005, 22:47
My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway, the other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

I said, "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about."

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant!
I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said "Oh, honey, There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on July 30, 2005, 09:40
There was 3 ladies on an island 1 blonde 1 brunette and a red-head. The city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea between the the island and the city. The red-head swam 4 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the brunette sawm 10 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the blonde swam 19 miles, got tired, and swam back.
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on July 30, 2005, 09:40
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. 'I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!' 'Okay,' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. 'I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, 'I wish my friends were back here!'
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on July 30, 2005, 09:42
Two blonde girls were talking and one couldn't help but notice how pretty and beautiful the others skin was. So she asked her outright what made her skin so soft and beautiful."Well, once a week I fill the bathtub with milk and just soak in it."

So the blonde went to a farm and spoke to the farmer. "I'd like a lot of milk."

"How much?" asked the farmer.

"Well, quite a lot because I'm going to soak in it."

He asked, "Pasteurized?"

"No...just up to my tits."

OK, OK, I know it's an old one!
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on August 09, 2005, 08:43
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY

CLASS  GETS   UP  AND  MOVES  TO THE 1ST CLASS SECTION AND SITS
DOWN.

THE  FLIGHT  ATTENDANT  WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.

SHE  THEN  TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE  BLONDE  REPLIES:  "I'M  BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO
TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE  FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT  THAT  THERE  IS  A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE  COPILOT  GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE  SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE ILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND  RETURN TO HER  SEAT.

THE  BLONDE  REPLIES:  "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO
TORONTO &  I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE"

THE  COPILOT  TELLS  THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN  TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS: "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS. I'M
MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."

HE  GOES  BACK  TO  THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE
SAYS:

"OH,  I'M  SORRY." AND SHE GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN
ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND COPILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASK HIM WHAT HE SAID

TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.

"I TOLD HER, FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO  :laugh:
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: NiTrOgEn on August 09, 2005, 10:58
A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."

Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to K-Mart now?"
 :blondie:  :blondie:
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 25, 2005, 14:21
Lent
On the first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive blond virgin bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and,
with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent." Almost
in tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! To whom did you lend it, and for how long?"
Title: If ya can't beat em
Post by: Michelle on September 09, 2005, 21:22
A blonde woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. ?I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you?ll have lost at least five pounds.?

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

?Why, that?s amazing!? the doctor said. ?Did you follow my instructions??

The blonde nodded. ?I?ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.?

?From hunger, you mean?? asked the doctor.

?No, from skipping.?
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on September 15, 2005, 17:10
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive
blond female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the
mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut &stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail
box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into
the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came
again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed
harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"




My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on September 15, 2005, 17:37
10/10 Cammy!   :clap:
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Michelle on September 15, 2005, 18:54
hehe I like it  :laugh:
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Sandra on September 19, 2005, 12:15
Q :  What do you call an intelligent blonde ?

A :  A  Labrador


 :D  :D  :D  :D  :D
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: sam on September 19, 2005, 22:56
lol
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on November 04, 2005, 13:19
Blonde
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my puppy had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically......

"Now you stay. Do you hear me? "Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde lady, gave me a strange look and said......

"Why don't you just put it in park?"
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on December 20, 2005, 18:49
Blonde's Year in Review:  


January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired  from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles  won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw  puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on  escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make  Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June  - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a  slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,  other swimmers  cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain  storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The  capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M  &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4  1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh  108!!!

December - Couldn't call Nine Eleven(911)....."duh".....there's no "eleven"  button on the phone!!!
  
  
What a year!!
Title: True blonde
Post by: Rodders on January 03, 2006, 08:17
As a trucker in Essex stops for a red light, a blonde catches up.  She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck and knocks on the door.  The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."  The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up she jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.  Again, the trucker lowers the window.  As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing  some of your load!"  Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.  All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knock's on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window.  Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"  When  the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck and runs back to the blonde.  He knocks on her window and as she lowers it, he says

"Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm driving a f***ing gritter!"
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on January 03, 2006, 09:34
Brilliant!!   :grin:
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on January 04, 2006, 15:10
Did you hear about the blonde who went to the library and took out a book called "How to Hug"?

She got it back home and found it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia.
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on January 05, 2006, 11:15
A blonde was driving down the road swerving from left to right.  A policeman, who was watching this the whole time, pulled her over and said, "Madam, what were you doing?"

She replied, "Thank God you're here, officer!  I was driving down the road when all of the sudden this tree appeared in front of me, so I swerved to avoid it!  Then another tree appeared in front of me, so I went around that one, then another!"

The policeman replied, "That was your air freshener."
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on January 05, 2006, 11:21
:laugh:  Even I laffed at that one Rod!
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on January 05, 2006, 11:32
You did?  Well, try these then.   :wink:

Blonde Medical Terminology:
Anally - occurring once a year
Artery - study of paintings
Bacteria - rear exit of cafe
Barium - what doctors do when treatment fails
Benign - what you are after you be eight
Bowel - A, E, I, O, or U
Caesarian section - district in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterise - made eye contact with her
Colic - sheep dog
Coma - a punctuation mark
Condom - small apartment complex
Congenital - friendly
D & C - where Washington is
Diaphragm - drawing in geometry
Diarrhea - journal of daily events
Dilate - to live long
Enema - not a friend
Fallopian Tube - part of a tv set
Fester - quicker
Fibula - a small lie
Genitals - people of non-Jewish origin
Hangnail - coat hook
Impotent - distinguished or well-known
Intense pain - agony under canvas
Labour pain - got hurt at work
Medical staff - doctor's walking stick
Menopause - button on the remote control
Menstrual cycle - thing with three wheels
Morbid - higher offer
Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
Node - was aware of
Outpatient - person who had fainted
Pap smear - fatherhood test
Pelvis - cousin of Elvis
Post operative - person who delivers the mail
Protein - favoring young people
Rectum - nearly killed 'em
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rheumatic - amorous
Scar - rolled tobacco leaf
Scrotum - small planet near Uranus
Secretion - hiding something
Seizure - Roman emperor
Serology - study of knighthood
Tablet - small tab
Terminal illness - sickness at airport
Testicles - found on an octopus
Tibia - country in North Africa
Tumor - an extra pair
Umbilical chord - part of a parachute
Urine - opposite of you're out
Vagina - heart trouble
Varicose - located nearby
Vein - conceited
Vulva - Swedish car
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on January 15, 2006, 14:10
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Title: Blonde Ugly Nuns
Post by: Mac on April 28, 2006, 08:33
:funnypost:  :gofor:

Q. How much education does a Blonde Ugly Nun (BUN) have?

A. Nun, because 'Holy' = 0

P. I. in the sky?


 :brain:  :sanity:


The Council Of Nine... (CON)

 :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:
Title: Welly Clever?
Post by: Mac on April 28, 2006, 10:11
Why do you never see a blonde Chinese?

Because they all wear wellys.

:shuddup:  and eat your Sandwich.

:sorry:
Title: Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Mac on April 28, 2006, 14:17
Quote from: "Serenity"
Adept I'm shocked ...ney saddened at you joining in this blonde bashing thread. This is abuse!!.... Now where's the Union when you need them!


We have died our hair black and moved to China.
Title: 5000
Post by: Mac on April 28, 2006, 21:06
Q. Did you hear the one about the - five thousand - Christian blondes?

A. No
Title: For example.
Post by: Mac on April 28, 2006, 21:07
:sheep: x 5000

 :brain:
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on May 15, 2006, 19:07
A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets
up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant
watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the
blonde passenger that she paid for Economy and that she will have to go and sit
in the back.

The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne
and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and
co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in
Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because
she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an economy place and she
will have to leave and return to her original seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne
And I'm staying right here!"

Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use and that he
probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this
blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "You say she's blonde?, I'll handle this, I'm married to
a blonde, and I speak blonde!"

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says "Oh, I'm
sorry, I had no idea," gets up and moves back to her seat in the economy
section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said
to make her move without any fuss.

The Pilot replied "I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne


 :laugh:
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on June 01, 2006, 12:29
(https://www.pc-pals.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi70.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fi84%2Fmistybear_2006%2F9557d7df.jpg&hash=718229cdb1acfe63fba8c8212d61420c19132985)
Title: She was so Blonde....
Post by: mistybear on June 24, 2006, 11:07
She Was So Blonde...
1. She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".

2. She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

3. She got stabbed in a shoot-out.

4. She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".

5. She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

6. She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

7. She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

8. She tried to drown a fish.

9. She thought a quarterback was a refund.

10. She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

11. If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.

12. They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

13. Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

14. She tripped over a cordless phone.

15. She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

16. At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius."

17. She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

18. It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

19. If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.

20. She studied for a blood test ...and failed.

21. She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

22. She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

23. She thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

24. She sold the car for gas money.

25. When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted., she went home and got 16 friends.

26. When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

27. She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.

28. When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

29. When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on June 24, 2006, 11:46
I thought Serenity had been busy for a while.  :grin:  :scoot:
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on July 06, 2006, 15:13
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Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on July 06, 2006, 15:42
Oh that's new!  Good find!!   :grin:
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on August 26, 2006, 04:48
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on August 26, 2006, 09:18
:eeek:
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on August 27, 2006, 19:18
Yesterday I was having some work done at the car dealer. A blonde woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

They all looked at each other, and one of the mechanics asked, "What
is a seven-hundred-ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost
it and need a new one.It had always been there."

The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over
to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this
car?"

She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."

Click here to learn the identity of the mysterious 710:


http://mademelaugh.com/gfx/710.jpg (http://mademelaugh.com/gfx/710.jpg)
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on August 27, 2006, 19:50
:pmsl:
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on August 28, 2006, 08:18
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Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on September 12, 2006, 13:40
A HIGHWAY PATROLMAN PULLED ALONGSIDE A SPEEDING CAR ON THE FREEWAY.

Glancing at the car, he was astonished to see that the blonde lady behind the wheel was knitting.

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled "pull over, driver".

"No" the blonde yelled back, "It's a scarf"
Title: Legally Blonde...
Post by: Debs. on September 28, 2006, 15:11
One day a Lawyer who had been stranded on a deserted island for
over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship."

And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the
possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.

Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure.
Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood
a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Lawyer and said to
him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years," replied the amazed Lawyer.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the
left sleeve or her wetsuit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "I Say,"
said the man, "that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish
whiskey?" asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."

Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a
pocket there and removes a flask and hands it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the gods!"
stated the Lawyer. "'Tis truly fantastic!!!"

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long
front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked,

"And how long has it been since you played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Lawyer fell to his knees and sobbed,
"I Say - `Goodness Gracious!.....Don't tell me that you've got a set golf clubs in there too!"
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on September 30, 2006, 09:49
:lol:
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on October 05, 2006, 20:59
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Debs. on October 05, 2006, 22:04
:boogie: Hahaha!  :D
Title: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on October 06, 2006, 10:18
:lol:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on November 07, 2006, 14:29
A blonde was shopping at a supermarket and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the assistant to ask what it was. The assistant said, "That's a thermos . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked. Why, that's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?  The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee.

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on November 07, 2006, 16:11
;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on December 31, 2006, 12:13
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on December 31, 2006, 13:41
 :lol: What scares me is that I found that funny. :o
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on January 03, 2007, 05:32
Blond Farmer

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. Of course, the farmer is blond.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing and looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks, "Ah, excuse me, mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field!"
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on January 03, 2007, 08:22
 :pmsl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on March 20, 2007, 09:28
A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car.
"Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside.
"No, but it's okay -- I got the license plate number

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on April 18, 2007, 21:03
One evening a blonde went to seafood restaurant for dinner. When she saw the tank where they kept the lobsters she asked a waiter, "Why are those creatures in that tank?"

"They are the lobsters we serve our customers!" answered the waiter.

"You mean you're going to kill them," said the blonde.

"Absolutely," said the waiter.

The blonde was so upset that she immediately exited the restaurant, drove to a nearby convenience store, purchased hefty bags and returned to the restaurant to accomplish her covert mission.

Taking pity on the poor creatures, she waited until the moment was right, and snatched all of the lobsters from the tank, threw them in the bag, and hightailed it out of the restaurant.

Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on April 22, 2007, 12:40
A blonde who had reversed into a tree took her car along to the panel
beaters to find out what she could do about it. The panel beater, ummm-ed
and ahh-ed, and eventually gave her his diagnosis. The panel beater told
the eager blonde to go home and put her mouth over the exhaust and blow
really hard, and that would make the dent came out. Satisfied with this,
the blonde went home to carry out the instructions the panel beater gave
her to remove the dent in the rear of the car.
The blonde is in her driveway blowing and puffing and blowing and didn't
seem to be getting any responses. While she's doing this, a brunette from
across the road came to visit the obviously vacant blonde and asked her
what she was doing. The blonde explained that the panel beater told her to
put her mouth over the exhaust and blow really hard and that would make the
dent come out.
The brunette shook her head at the blonde's stupidity and exclaimed, "That
won't work you fool, you haven't got the windows wound up!"
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on May 08, 2007, 18:06
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Victoria.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.  What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What does the color of a persons hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person.
You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells,

"You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little smart-alec on your knee!"
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 08, 2007, 20:07
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on May 09, 2007, 09:25
 :lol:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on May 25, 2007, 15:01
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, ?Wanna hear a blonde joke??

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, ?Before you tell that joke, you should know something.?

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I?m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6′2″, weighs 225, and he?s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6′5″ pushing 300 and he?s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke??

The blind guy says, ?Nah, not if I?m gonna have to explain it five times.?
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on May 25, 2007, 15:02
    

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. ?Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing??

The blonde turns around and says, ?Yeah right! I?m not giving up this machine while I?m still winning!?
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on May 25, 2007, 15:12
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One?s a brunette, one?s a redhead, and one?s a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, ?Ready . . . Aim . . .?

Suddenly the brunette yells, ?earthquake!!? Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, ?Ready . . . Aim . . .?

The redhead then screams, ?tornado!!? Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . .?

The blonde shouts, ?fire!!?
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 25, 2007, 16:43
 :haha:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on June 10, 2007, 23:56
A young blonde woman goes to an office for a job interview . The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 3 seconds before replying "Ehh... 23!"

The interviewer tries another straight forward one to break the ice. "Can you tell us your height, please?" She stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. Then she traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot three!".

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Stephanie".

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?"

"Oh, that!" replies the blonde, That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on June 11, 2007, 09:21
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on July 25, 2007, 11:20
There was a competition between a team of blondes and a
team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish ice fishing.
Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win,
They kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried
and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing
differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back.
"A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 06, 2007, 16:29
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading
her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 10, 2007, 22:05
The blonde life-saver.

DEAR DIARY. DAY ONE

I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my
pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited.

DEAR DIARY. DAY TWO

We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales
and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the
Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.

DEAR DIARY. DAY THREE

I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding
and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at
his table for dinner. I felt honoured and we had a wonderful time. He is a
very attractive and attentive gentleman.

DEAR DIARY. DAY FOUR

Went to the ship's casino .... did OK ... won about $80. The Captain
invited me to have the dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious
meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I
declined. I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my
husband.

DEAR DIARY. DAY FIVE

Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to go
to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw me
and bought me a couple of drinks.

He really is a charming gentleman. He again asked me to visit him for
the night and again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his
way with me he would sink the ship.

I was appalled.

DEAR DIARY. DAY SIX

I saved 1600 lives today - twice.
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on August 10, 2007, 22:20
:lol:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 27, 2007, 16:45
Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?

There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were

stuck on the escalators for over four hours.

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 27, 2007, 16:47
A law professor asked his class the following: "What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?"

A blonde law school student answered: "An illegal is a sick bird."

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on August 27, 2007, 17:17
:aarrgh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on September 17, 2007, 09:00
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.  It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.  Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"  She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on September 17, 2007, 09:54
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on October 14, 2007, 13:15
Blonde One Liners

Did you hear about the blonde that put lipstick on her forehead so she could make up her mind?

Did you hear that they found another "Heaven Gates" cult member? Yea...it was a blonde and she was under the sink looking for the comet!

Did you hear about the blonde that threw away her weight loss video because she noticed that the people on the video were not losing weight either?

Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?
A: Because they go answer the door.

Q: Why is it a blonde can not have more than a 10 minutes lunchbreak?
A: Because otherwise you have to retrain her.

Q: What do you call a couple of blondes in the front seat of a car?
A: Air Bags.

Q: Do you know what is black and blue and found in a ditch?
A: A man who told one to many blonde jokes.

Q: What do you call a blond with a Chainsaw?
A: Dead.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who got a pair of waterskis?
A: She's still looking for a lake with a slope.

Q: There were three third graders walking down the street a redhead, brunnette, and a blonde. Which one had the best figure?
A: The Blonde, she was 18.

Q: What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde guy and a blonde girl?
A: The blonde girl's sperm count is higher.

Q: How do blonde's brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you make a one arm blonde fall out of a tree?
A: Wave to her!

Q: What do you call blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes!

Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was going to have a baby?
A: I hope it's mine.

Q: Why did the blonde turn into the ditch?
A: She left her blinker on!

Q: How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail?
A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.

Q: Why did the blonde jump off the cliff?
A: Because she thought her Maxi-pad had wings.

Q: Why don't blondes like to breast feed their children?
A: Because it hurts when they boil their nipples.

Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A: You knock on the door.

Q: Why can't a blonde make kool-aide?
A: She can't figure out how to fit 2 quarts of water in a kool-aide packet.

Q: What is dumber than two brunettes that tried to build a house at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Two blondes that tried to burn it down!

Q: What's blonde-brunette-blonde-brunette-blonde-brunette-blonde?
A: A blonde doing cartwheels.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: Why are Blonde's coffins shaped like a triangle?
A: Because everytime their head hits a pillow their legs open.

Q: What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes?
A: An interpreter.

Q: How does a blonde get hurt raking leaves?
A: She falls out of the tree!

Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde who had a bumper sticker that said, "ALL BLONDES AREN'T DUMB?"
A: No one could read it because it was hung upside-down.

Q: Why do blonde's like sunroofs?
A: More legroom.

Q: Why did the blonde climb over the chainlink fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to kill herself?
A: She jumped out a basement window.

Q: Why can't blondes pass their driving tests?
A: Because every time the car stops they jump in the back seat.

Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap?
A: She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: Why did the blonde have square boobs?
A: She forgot to take the tissue out of the box.

Q: Whats an intelligent blonde?
A: A Golden Retreiver.

Q: What did they call the blonde that was found dead in the closet?
A: The 1994 Hide and Go Seek Champion.

Q: Why was the Blonde's brain the size of a pea after exercising?
A: It swelled up!

Q: How can you tell when a blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies?
A: There's M&M Shells all over the floor.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who died drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A: They are both empty from the neck up!

Q: Why does a blonde keep a wire coat hanger in the back seat of her car?
A: In case she locks her keys in.

Q: Did you hear how the Blonde Hockey Team drowned?
A: Spring Training.

Q: What do you call a blonde in a business suit, sitting on a tree, holding a briefcase?
A: A branch manager

Q: Why did the blonde snort Sweet-n-Low?
A: She thought it was Diet Coke.

Q: What does a blonde say after two more years of college?
A: Would you like fries with that?

Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: I dont know, and neither does she.

Q: Why has the wave been outlawed at baseball games?
A: Because all the blondes used to drown.

Q: What was the last thing a blonde heard before dying of old age?
A: "Today children, we will learn our ABC's..."

Q: What do you call a blonde with a leather jacket?
A: A rebel without a clue.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde with a postal worker?
A: A fluezy with an Uzi.

Q: Why did the Blond wear high-heel shoes?
A: She was once told by her mother to never sell herself short.

Q: What goes stop, go, stop, go, stop, go?
A: A blonde at a flashing red light.

Q: What do you call five blondes laying on a beach
A: A public access.

Q: What is a blonde's mating call?
A: I'm SO DRUNK!

Q: What happened to the Blonde Tap Dancer?
A: She fell in the sink.

Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Maybe someday, we'll find bigfoot.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Put her in a round room, and tell her to sit in a corner.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: Supermarket trolleys have a mind of their own.

Q: What did the blond say when her boyfriend blew in her ear?
A: Thanks for the refill, honey.

Q: Why don't blondes ever eat pickles?
A: Because they can't ever get their heads out the jar!

Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear with a hose at the end?
A: An air compressor.

Q: What do you call a line of blondes standing ear to ear.
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: Why do blondes leave empty milk cartons in the fridge?
A: In case someone wants black coffee.

Q: Why are blonde jokes so stupid?
A: So brunettes can get them!

Q: What does a blonde say after she knocks over an antique vase that is priceless and it cracks on the ground?
A: "It's Okay daddy, I'm alright"

Q: What do blondes and cow patties have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

Q: What would a blonde say if you asked her what the score was?
A: 24 to 28, tie.

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institute for higher learning?
A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland "Left", so they turned around and went home.

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A: Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.

Q: Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said concentrate.

Q: Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.

Q: How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.

Q: Why can't Blondes dial 911?
A: They can't find the 11 on the phone!

Q: What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

Q: How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
A: There is white-out all over the monitor.

Q: Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said, "Oh look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked skyward and said, "Where, where?"

Q: How do you drown a Blonde?
A: Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q: Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.

Q: How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q: Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

Q: What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
A: They drowned in Spring Training.

Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her joke on Wednesday.

Q: What's a blonde and a postage stamp got in common.
A: Lick Em, Stick Em, Send Em

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been on the computer?
A: There is tipex on the screen.

Q: How can you tell if she has been on again?
A: She has left cheese for the mouse.

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on October 14, 2007, 14:25
Stolen. :)

Of course, I should add that, in the UK, the recent acquisition by Tiscali or the ISP Pipex, has resulted in the company being referred to as Tipex!
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on October 14, 2007, 20:46
...or Piscali.   :)x
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on October 15, 2007, 09:54
Both names indicating how we feel about the new company. :)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on October 15, 2007, 10:01
Indeed.   :ack:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on October 26, 2007, 00:08
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"

She says "No, I'm really a blonde".

"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on October 26, 2007, 07:44
 :aarrgh:    ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on November 20, 2007, 09:07
One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Ohio were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, 'We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.' So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, 'We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.' The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, 'We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park....' Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, 'Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?'

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, 'Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?'
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on November 20, 2007, 09:13
 :haha:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on November 20, 2007, 10:03
:pmsl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on November 24, 2007, 10:13
Two blondes come across a set of tracks in a forest.

They start bickering over whether they?re deer or rabbit tracks.

The argument is cut short however when they?re both run over by the train.
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on November 24, 2007, 10:55
 ::) :)x
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on November 24, 2007, 11:45
 :groan:  ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on December 10, 2007, 23:59
The Pyramid of 100 Steps

There was 3 girls, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. and they found a pyramid. they read a tablet that said...

"This is the pyramid of 100 steps. If you get to the top of it, you will get what you've wanted all your life. But be warned, every 5 steps a person will pop out and tell a joke, and if you laugh, you can never try again."

So the brunette gets to the 5th step and laughs, so she could never try again.

The red head got to the 20th step and laughed, so she could never try again.

Then the blonde got to the 99th step and laughed. The guy who was going to tell the joke said "Why did you laugh, I didn't tell the joke yet?"

The blonde said "I know, I laughed because I just got the first joke!"

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on December 11, 2007, 08:22
 :clap:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on December 17, 2007, 08:17
 :lol:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on December 17, 2007, 11:27
Welcome back MB. :)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on December 17, 2007, 11:33
Thanks Rik, it's going to take forever to read everything I've missed.  :o    ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on January 04, 2008, 10:11
One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.
"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.
"There must be something you would have of me," said God.
"Well, there is one thing," she said.
"Just name it," said God.
"It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blonde jokes to stop."
"Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you."
"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.
"Name it. Please," said God.
"It's the M&M's," said the blonde nun. "They're so hard to peel."
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on January 04, 2008, 10:32
Love it.  ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on January 04, 2008, 10:41
 :haha:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on January 14, 2008, 19:27
Twin pregnancy

 

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came
running up to me in the driveway just jumping
for joy! She said, 'I have some really great
news!'
I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so
happy.'
She stopped jumping and, breathing
heavily from all the jumping up and down,
told me that she was pregnant!

I knew that she had been trying for a while
so I told her, 'That's great! I couldn't be
happier for you!'

Then she said, 'There's more.'
I asked,
'What do you mean 'more'?'

She said, 'Well, we are not having just one
baby, we are going to have TWINS!'

Amazed at how she could know so soon
after getting pregnant, I asked her how
she knew. She said....

(You're going to love this!)

'Well, that was the easy part. I went to
Wal-Mart and they actually had a home
pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests
came out positive!'

 
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on January 14, 2008, 19:42
:groan:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on January 14, 2008, 23:53
Seconded. :)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on January 15, 2008, 02:02
 :aarrgh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on January 15, 2008, 09:01
A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her psychologist.
psychologist: "What is your dream about?"
Blonde: "I am being chased by a vampire..."
psychologist: "So, where are you in this dream?"
Blonde: "I am running in a hallway."
psychologist: "Then what happens?"
Blonde: "Well, that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won't budge!"
psychologist: "Does the door have any letters on it?"
Blonde: "Yes."
psychologist: "And what do these letter spell?"
Blonde: "P.. U... L... L..."
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on January 15, 2008, 09:09
 :groan:   That's awful Clive.
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on February 03, 2008, 21:17
7 degrees of blonde



FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said "How should I know,
that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know,
some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde
says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him
in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun,
and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman,
sat in her US government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade
was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said,
"That was the decision George Washington had to make
before he crossed the Delaware"

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash,
the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,
then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on February 04, 2008, 12:33
 :aarrgh:     :)x
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on March 12, 2008, 21:57
One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what
they were doing.

So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole,only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick."
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on March 12, 2008, 23:19
 :clever:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on March 26, 2008, 07:08
Three blondes died in an accident trying to jump the Grand Canyon. They are at the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question.

The question posed by St. Peter is - "What is Easter"?

The first blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when we all get together, eat turkey and are thankful."

"Wrong! You are not welcome here, I'm afraid. You must go to the other place!" replies St. Peter. Then he turns to the second blonde, and asks her the same question - "What is Easter?"

The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head on the pearly gates in disgust, and tells her she's wrong and will have to join her friend in the other place; she is not welcome in Heaven.

He then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "Do YOU know what Easter is?"

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."

"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight

Then the third blonde continues "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter!"
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on March 26, 2008, 08:14
:lol:  Nice to see you. MB!  :thumb:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on March 26, 2008, 08:59
 :haha:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on March 26, 2008, 11:24
:lol:  Nice to see you. MB!  :thumb:


Oh God, I didn't realise you could, I'll go and get dressed then.    ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on March 26, 2008, 11:25
 :rofl:

Welcome back, MB.
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on March 26, 2008, 13:06
Thanks Rik, it's nice to be back, I just forgot the dress rules. You British are sooooo formal.  ;D 
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on March 26, 2008, 14:10
The others may be, but I'm not. ;)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on March 26, 2008, 15:50
The mind boggles!  :o
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on March 26, 2008, 16:01
So does my sporran. :)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on April 07, 2008, 14:25
A business man got on an elevator.  When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled, and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so, she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain, "'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.'  Get it duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

 
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on April 18, 2008, 10:02
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing; so, after reading many books on the subject and gathering all of the necessary equipment, she made for the nearest frozen lake.

After positioning her comfy foot stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, as if from the sky, a voice boomed out, HEY, YOU, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a cup of cappuccino from her Thermos, and began to cut another hole. Again, a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!

The blonde, now worried, moved to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and once again tried to cut the ice hole. Once more, the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!

The blonde stopped, looked skyward, and said, Who are you, God? The voice replied, NO, I AM THE OWNER OF THIS ICE RINK!
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on April 18, 2008, 10:24
:groan:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on April 18, 2008, 15:00
Did you hear about the blonde who got locked into the bathroom?

She was in there so long she peed her pants.  :)x
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 05, 2008, 07:32
WHEN CARDBOARD MEN COME IN HANDY

 

A car is driving on the interstate one day when one of its tyres goes flat.

 
The 'blonde driver' eases it over onto the shoulder of the road,

carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

 
She then took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood

them at the rear of the vehicle facing the oncoming traffic.
 

The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their

nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.

 
Not surprisingly, the traffic quickly became snarled and backed up.

 
It wasn't very long before a police car arrived. The officer, clearly

enraged, approached the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling,

'What's going on here?'
 

'My car broke down, officer,' the woman calmly replied.
 

'Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing

here by the road?' he asked.
 

'Helllooooooo !!!' the blonde replied.

'Those are my emergency flashers!'

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on May 05, 2008, 08:18
:groan:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on May 05, 2008, 08:39
 :haha:  Well, they worked.  :thumbs:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on May 05, 2008, 10:37
:groan: :groan:  ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on June 24, 2008, 13:25
On the first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive blond virgin bride slipped
into a sexy but sweet nighty and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed,
only to find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he
replied, "Because it's Lent."

Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have
ever heard! To whom did you lend it, and for how long?"
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on June 24, 2008, 14:00
 :aarrgh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Baz on July 22, 2008, 20:22
How do you confuse a blond?

Stand three spades up against a wall and tell her to take her pick
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on July 22, 2008, 21:02
 :lol:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: David on July 22, 2008, 21:13
 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Each one a gem...................... :clap: :duh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 08, 2008, 18:35
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor.
'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'
'No, Silly' the blonde said.
'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants.
I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened.
I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'
'So then?'
'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought:
'This is going to make a loud noise.
So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.'

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: David on August 08, 2008, 18:56
 :sigh: :omg: This is awful Clive ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 08, 2008, 21:44
:sorry:  Nah... only kidding!   ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: David on August 08, 2008, 22:28
 :out: :groan:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: GillE on August 08, 2008, 22:38
Her manicurist wouldn't have been terribly impressed.  I don't blame her for going to a doctor first.
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on August 09, 2008, 00:02
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on August 09, 2008, 14:04
 :aarrgh:  You've out done yourself Clive, it's truly awful.  ;)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 09, 2008, 16:30
I will take that as a compliment.   :hee-hee:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on August 23, 2008, 13:45
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,


"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch"


Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Tony on August 23, 2008, 14:06
      :laugh:                   your on form today Misty
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on August 23, 2008, 14:34
 :thumbs:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 23, 2008, 22:08
Sheer brilliance! 
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on September 04, 2008, 13:36
Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A
blonde walks by and asks what they are doing.

Paddy: We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole, but we don't
have a ladder.

The blonde took a spanner from her purse, loosened a few bolts and laid
the flagpole down. She pulled a tape measure from her pocket, took a few
measurements and announced that it was eighteen feet and six inches.
She then walked off.

Mick: Ain't that just like a blonde! We need the height and she gives
us the length.

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on September 04, 2008, 15:16
Boom boom! :)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on September 05, 2008, 07:09
 :lol:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on September 08, 2008, 14:46
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.

She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly .

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied . You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'    ;D




Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on September 08, 2008, 15:00
 :lol:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on September 09, 2008, 15:49
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes,
charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana. The
Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on
the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great
time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the
Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear,
staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them
with white knuckles. The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up
here? We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered...



'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!?!
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on September 09, 2008, 16:01
 :aarrgh:   
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on September 09, 2008, 16:03
I'd like to second your remarks, MB. :)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: GillE on September 09, 2008, 18:07
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on October 07, 2008, 23:26
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert because their car broke down.

The redhead grabs some water, the brunette grabs some food, and the blonde grabs the car door.

They began walking, when the redhead turns to the brunette and says, ”Why did you bring the food?”

She replies, ”Well if I get hungry, I can eat it. Why did you bring water?”

The redhead replies, ”Well if I get thirsty, I can drink it.”

Then they both turn to the blonde and say, ”Why did you bring the car door?”

She replies, ”Well if I get too hot, I can roll down the window.”
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on October 08, 2008, 08:14
:groan:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on October 08, 2008, 12:17
 :aarrgh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on October 22, 2008, 22:37
Two tourists were driving through Wales.....



At Llanfairpwllgwyngllgogerychwryndrobwllyantsllyogog ogoch,

they stopped for lunch and one tourist asked the waitress,



"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?

Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The blonde waitress leaned over and said, "Burrr-gurrr-Kinngg..."    :)x
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on October 23, 2008, 04:47
 :groan:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on October 23, 2008, 11:46
Seconded. :)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on October 29, 2008, 21:17
There was 3 girls, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. and they found a pyramid. they read a tablet that said...

"This is the pyramid of 100 steps. If you get to the top of it, you will get what you've wanted all your life. But be warned, every 5 steps a person will pop out and tell a joke, and if you laugh, you can never try again."

So the brunette gets to the 5th step and laughs, so she could never try again.

The red head got to the 20th step and laughed, so she could never try again.

Then the blonde got to the 99th step and laughed. The guy who was going to tell the joke said "Why did you laugh, I didn't tell the joke yet?"

The blonde said "I know, I just got the first joke!"
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on October 30, 2008, 03:30
 :aarrgh:





























































:lol:    I just got it.  ;)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on October 30, 2008, 09:49
No comment!  ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on October 30, 2008, 09:51
 :bartmoon:   :wahh:   :out:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on October 30, 2008, 10:08
 :)x
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on November 15, 2008, 17:37
Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver:''Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?''

The bus driver shakes his head and says,''No, I'm sorry.''

At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters: ''Will it take ME?''
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on November 18, 2008, 07:04
I think we need a new thread, jokes that aren't really jokes.  ;)   ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on November 18, 2008, 10:17
 :aarrgh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on November 18, 2008, 10:43
 :)x
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on December 30, 2008, 14:34
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word,' comfortable'."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow."   :)x
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on December 30, 2008, 14:49
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on December 30, 2008, 20:28
 :thumbs:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on December 31, 2008, 05:23
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on March 14, 2009, 21:40
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, 'It's Lent.'
In tears, she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?'
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on March 15, 2009, 00:12
:groan:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on March 15, 2009, 11:26
May I second that :groan:. :)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Camstop on May 03, 2009, 12:34
After many years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform his duties as a husband between the sheets. He goes to his doctor, tries a few things, but nothing works. "It's all in your mind," says the doctor, and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits, the shrink confesses: "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." The psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor. The witch doctor says: "I can cure this." He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. "This is powerful healing, but you can use it once a year," says the witch doctor. "All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The guy then asks the witch doctor: "What happens when it's over?" The witch doctor says: "All you or your partner has to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned; after that it will not work again for a year!" The guy goes home, and that night he is so excited and anxious to surprise his blonde wife. They get into bed and he says: "123," and just like magic he gets an erection. His wife rolls over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on May 03, 2009, 13:08
 :aarrgh: :lol2:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 17, 2009, 17:11
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

***************
Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?
She heard that one out of every four children born in the world was Chinese..

***************

Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.

*****************

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

****************

A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.

The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

****************

A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, "That's a thermos . . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold."

"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked.

"Why, that's a thermos . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.

Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"

The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee".


***************

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

******************
Saved the Best for Last!

This has to be one of the best blonde jokes around.
This should make all you technologically challenged people feel GOOD:

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on May 17, 2009, 17:28
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

 :aarrgh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on May 17, 2009, 18:36
Oh, how we've missed you, Clive!  ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 17, 2009, 19:51
 :arf:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on June 06, 2009, 18:09
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her one last question:

"How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES""?

The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One".

The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he'll get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining candidates.

The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"?

She immediately says "One". The interviewer says, "OK, we'll let you know".

Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the questions, and finally gets asked: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES".

She gets a very serious look on her face and starts counting her fingers, muttering: "2, 4, 6 ...., hmmm – wait,... 2, 4, 6 .... can I borrow your calculator please?"

After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating, she finally comes up with the answer: "Twenty Eight"

The interviewer is stunned and asks her: "Ok, now tell me, how the hell did you arrive at this answer?"

Dar De Dat Dar, Dar De Dar, Dar De Dat Dar, Dar De Dar Dar Dar, Dar De Dat Dar, Dar De Dar, Dar De Dar Dar Dar.

 :crazy:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on June 06, 2009, 18:10
:lol:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on June 06, 2009, 18:59
:aarrgh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: GillE on June 06, 2009, 21:44
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on June 08, 2009, 09:15
A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.

"I need to take that walkman off your head," says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.

"You can't! I'll die!" retorts the blonde.

"I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!" says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.

"I said you can't take it off, or I'll die!"

The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde.

Within seconds, the blonde dies.

When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating "breath in, breath out, breath in".
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on June 08, 2009, 09:36
:lol2:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on June 08, 2009, 11:54
 :pmsl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on June 09, 2009, 17:37
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted, in the worst way, to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don’t you go on and give it a try?"

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.

As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.

With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank,watching in silent amazement.

The Blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration,

"S**T!!! THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT, TOO!"
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on June 09, 2009, 18:16
 ;D

Just as well she didn't want a belt...
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on June 09, 2009, 19:08
 :pmsl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on June 10, 2009, 05:09
 :lol2:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on July 18, 2009, 18:49
Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a
 blond haired  cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy
 hat, his gun  and his boots. He arrests him for indecent   exposure.
 
  As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are  you walking
 around like   this?'
 
 The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff .  I was  in this  bar down
 the road and this pretty little red head asks me  to go out to   her
  motor home with her. So I did.
 
  We go  inside  and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my
 shirt..... So I  did.
 
 Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my  pants.... So I
 did.
 
 Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my  shorts....so
 I did.
 
 Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and
 says, 'Now go  to town cowboy.. '
 
 'And here I am.'
 
 
 Son of a Gun.  Blonde Men do exist  :crazy:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on July 18, 2009, 18:50
A blond heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.

So she left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.

He thought she probably meant 2..5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blond came to the door and the milkman said,

'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?'

The blond said, 'No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk

And take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.'

The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?'

 

 The blond said, 'No, just up to my tits.  I can splash it on my eyes.'   :)x
 
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on July 18, 2009, 19:00
:groan:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: David on July 18, 2009, 19:13
 :thumbs: :thumbs: :lol2:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: GillE on July 18, 2009, 20:04
I bet the milkman drove the fastest milk cart in the West.

;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on July 18, 2009, 21:15
;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: mistybear on July 19, 2009, 11:14
 :aarrgh:   ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on September 18, 2009, 16:43
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'




CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburettor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'




SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'




RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
'You ARE on the other side.'



AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said 'Your finger is broken.'




KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'



BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'



IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'




FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!'
 
 

 
   

 

 
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on September 18, 2009, 18:01
:haha:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on September 18, 2009, 19:13
:rofl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: David on September 19, 2009, 23:00
Quote
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburettor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

 :pmsl: :rofl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on January 16, 2010, 11:45
As a trucker in Essex stops for a red light, a blonde in her car pulls up alongside.

She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door

the trucker lowers the window, and she says, 'Hi, my name is Sharon and you are losing some of your load.'

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up.

She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.

And as if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, 'Hi, my name is Sharon, and you are losing some of your load!' 

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.

The trucker lowers the window again she says, Hi, my name is Sharon and you are losing some of your load!'

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light when he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says.......

 .........Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm driving a f...ing gritter! :)x
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on January 16, 2010, 11:47
:rofl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on January 16, 2010, 11:53
 :pmsl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on January 16, 2010, 12:11
Oh, so there is one somewhere!   >:( :D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Serenity on January 16, 2010, 12:14
Oh, so there is one somewhere!   >:( :D


  :naughty:  Now now  stop being a grumpy old burger all yer life Si     chill out  :danceban:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on January 16, 2010, 12:16
That's his problem, Bev, he's got thoroughly chilled.  :devil:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on January 16, 2010, 12:18
 :bubble:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on January 16, 2010, 12:19
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: GillE on January 16, 2010, 13:08
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on January 29, 2010, 11:41
One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Minnesota were listening
to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer Say, "We are going
to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the
even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through." 
So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are
eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to12
inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the
street, so The snowplows can get through."  The good wife went out and moved her car again.
 The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says,
 "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.
You must park...." Then the electric power went out.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said,
Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park
on so the snowplows can get through?" 
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to
blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the
garage this time."     
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on January 29, 2010, 11:46
:rofl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on January 29, 2010, 11:49
:pmsl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Nita on May 04, 2010, 21:15

 The very first-ever Blonde GUY joke.... And well worth the wait!

 An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work
 on
 scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

 They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and
 cabbage!
 If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to
 jump off this building."

 The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I
 get
 burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

 The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna
 sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
 cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a
 burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the
 bologna and jumped to his death as well.

 At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd
 known
how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have
 given it to him again!"

 The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos
 or
 enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

 Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
 The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch.
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 04, 2010, 22:20
 :hee-hee:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on May 04, 2010, 23:08
:haha:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on May 05, 2010, 09:05
:rofl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on June 25, 2010, 18:48
A blonde is on board a small two seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. "Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams.

Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position"

"I'm 5'2'' and sitting in the front."
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on June 26, 2010, 23:53
 :aarrgh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 14, 2010, 18:46
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed
Listening to the next door neighbor's dog.
It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs..

The blonde finally comes back up to bed
And her husband says "The dog is still barking,
What have you been doing?"

The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard,
let's see how THEY like it!
++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad Hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
Decided to have some fun.. He told her to go home and blow into the
Tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started Blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little Harder, and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first  Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.'

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++

 
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver Thermos.  She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took It to the clerk to ask what it was..

The clerk said,

'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot,
And cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing..... .I'm going to buy it!' So she Bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?

'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things Cold,' she replied..

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The blond replied..... ...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that My mother had passed away.'

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the Day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off
here. I need to keep my mind off it and
I have the best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.

'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.

'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!' 
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on August 14, 2010, 18:49
:groan:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on August 14, 2010, 21:46
:aarrgh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on September 04, 2010, 14:53
You're blonde and on a bus, when suddenly you break wind.  Luckily the music is very loud, so every time you break wind, you time it with the music.

When you start making your way to the door, everyone's looking daggers at you.  Then you realise...


























...you're listening to your ipod.    (https://www.pc-pals.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv300%2FMothballs%2FSmileys%2Fmusic.gif&hash=ca0ac9f56f3717dc0b98e8c84f248aaba8770f10)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on September 04, 2010, 15:19
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on September 04, 2010, 16:06
Could have been worse, she could have been singing.   ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on September 04, 2010, 23:25
Outside the golf course, a man got on the bus with his pockets stuffed full of golf balls and sat down next to a blonde.  The puzzled blonde kept staring at his bulging pockets, until he eventually explained, “it's golf balls.”

She continued to stare until couldn't contain her curiosity any longer and finally asked...

“Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on September 05, 2010, 10:44
:rofl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on September 05, 2010, 11:09
 :groan: ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on November 11, 2010, 22:20
A Blonde goes to Heaven

 A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.  'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; but Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the Blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the Blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T' '?

The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?'

The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

'Now,' said St Peter, 'go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the Blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the Blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

The Blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'

'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'

'Easy,' said the Blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at the Blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'

'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

'It's Andy.'

'Andy?!?'

'Yes, Andy,' said the Blonde.

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'

'Easy' said the Blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his billy boiled.'
 
And the Blonde entered Heaven... 
 

... you're  singing it now, aren't you…??

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on November 12, 2010, 00:02
:aarrgh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on November 12, 2010, 07:21
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on January 14, 2011, 14:34
I was driving down the motorway with my blonde girlfriend the other day & she piped up, “I think those people in the car next to us are from Wales”. “Why’s that?” I said. “Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says

STIT ROUY SU WOHS

 

Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on January 14, 2011, 15:53
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on January 14, 2011, 16:19
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on February 12, 2011, 08:36
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble..
   
  In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
 
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'
 
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
   
  The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
   
  After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
   
  She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.
   
  I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'
 
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.
   
  Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
 
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
 
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word'comfortable?'
 
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.
   
  She'll read it very slowly... 'com-for-da-bul.'
 
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on February 12, 2011, 09:18
:groan:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on February 12, 2011, 10:10
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on August 24, 2011, 23:44
"Did you see that flash?" asked the blonde to her mate.

"No," said the friend, as the blonde quickly opened the curtain.

"GAAARH!"

She screamed as she saw a face blankly staring back at her, and closed the curtain as fast as she could.

Another flash.

"Did you see that one?" asked the blonde, urgently.

"Yes, I saw that one," said her mate.

The blonde opened the curtain again.

"GAAARGH!"  The face again! 

"He's angry now!", yelled the blonde.

"I'm not surprised," said her mate. "Will you just let the man have his passport photo taken?"
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rik on August 25, 2011, 01:00
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 25, 2011, 07:54
 ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on April 22, 2014, 16:38

 
 
 
 
DISNEYLAND

Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.
 
 
FLORIDA OR MOON
 
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
 
 
CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
 
 
 
SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff,
'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take my license away, and now today you expect me to show it to you!'
 
 
 
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
 
 
 
KNITTING
 
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
 
 
 
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde
were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'�The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot!
You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
 
 
IN A VACUUM
 
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
 
 
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
 
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'   'HELLLOOOOOOO. . . ,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'
 
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on April 22, 2014, 16:45
:laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on April 18, 2015, 21:36
A blonde was weeding her back garden and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to Asda!

When she got there she told the Asda employee what happened and he asked her why she came to Asda?




She said “HELOOO!!! it’s the largest re tailer in the country.”   :D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on April 18, 2015, 21:38
A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night as well.  :)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on April 18, 2015, 21:48
A famous soccer player parked his brand new porsche outside a gift store and went inside to shop.
 About ten minutes later a blonde salesgirl ran up to him shouting, “I just saw someone steal your sports car.”
 “Did you try to stop him?” asked the soccer player.
“No,” said the blonde. “I did better than that, I got the registration number of the car!”

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
 She threw it off a cliff.

Did you hear about the blonde secretary who cut her fingers off so that she could write short hand?

Q. A blonde had used up all of her sick days so what did she do?
 A. She called in dead.

A young blonde woman went into a bank to withdraw some money.
 For security purposes the cashier asked her if she could identify herself.
 She opened her handbag and took out a small mirror, looked into it and said, “Yes, it’s me all right.”

Q: Why didn’t the Blonde have any ice cubes for her party?
 A: She lost the recipe.

We have a Blonde where I work, who is so dumb she thinks Manual Labour is a Spaniard.  :)x
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on April 18, 2015, 23:45
:aarrgh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on April 19, 2015, 11:18
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on June 06, 2015, 00:37
Two blondes fell down a hole.  One said, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"  The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on June 06, 2015, 09:37
 ::)
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on June 06, 2015, 09:49
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on August 04, 2015, 22:10
One day a pregnant blonde suspects that her husband is cheating on her. She confronts her husband and asks him if it is true.
 After awhile the husband finally confesses and tells her that he has been cheating on her with 7 different women.
 The blonde sits there confused for awhile without saying a word. Finally she asks: “if you have been sleeping around with all these girls how do i know if this child is really mine?”
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on August 04, 2015, 22:10
A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her psychologist.
 psychologist: “What is your dream about?”
 Blonde: “I am being chased by a vampire…”
 psychologist: “So, where are you in this dream?”
 Blonde: “I am running in a hallway.”
 psychologist: “Then what happens?”
 Blonde: “Well, that’s the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can’t open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won’t budge!”
 psychologist: “Does the door have any letters on it?”
 Blonde: “Yes.”
 psychologist: “And what do these letter spell?”
 Blonde: “P.. U… L… L…”
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on August 04, 2015, 22:10
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
 MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
 When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on August 04, 2015, 22:39
On a roll, Den.   ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 04, 2015, 22:58
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on August 22, 2015, 12:43
A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.

"No!" yells the blonde.

Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.

"For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?"

The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 22, 2015, 18:42
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on August 23, 2015, 18:45
A blonde burned both of her ears… so they were asking her at the hospital how it happened.

She said, ”I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang… So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear…”

”But how the heck did you burn the other ear?” The doctor asked.

”They called back.”
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on August 23, 2015, 19:06
 :pmsl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on August 23, 2015, 19:38
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on November 08, 2015, 16:49
A Blondes cookery diary.

MONDAY: It’s fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbours were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn’t dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can’t say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for biscuits. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

SUNDAY: Tom’s parents came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on November 08, 2015, 17:05
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on November 08, 2015, 21:15
 :pmsl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on November 13, 2015, 16:55
This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls a May Day:

“May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don’t know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!”

All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying:

“The is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I’ve had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position.”

She says, “I’m 5’4″ and I’m sitting in the front seat.”

“O.K.” says the voice from the tower. “I see…now this is what you do, repeat after me: Our Father. . . Who art in Heaven. . . ..”
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on November 13, 2015, 17:41
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on November 14, 2015, 08:22
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on January 11, 2016, 20:33
Two blondes were filling up at a gas station and the first blonde says to the second,
"I bet these awful gas prices are going to go even higher."
The second blonde replies,
"Won't affect me.  I always put in just $10 worth."
 
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
   
  One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively.
"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."
"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of pants for that suit."
"Yes, and it's lucky you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."
 
  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
 
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
 
  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
 
  A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her blonde friend from next door had recently done the same job, and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Buffy," she said, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"
"Ten," said Buffy.
So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover.
"Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!"
"Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."
 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
 
  A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which.
A neighbor suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second horse's tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse's tail.
Our blonde friend was stuck again.
 
The neighbor then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence.
 
Once again, our blonde friend couldn't tell the two horses apart.
The neighbor then suggested that she measure the horses for height.
When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one!!
 
  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
 
  Blonde Interview:
The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with any person, living or dead, who would that be?"
 
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
 
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on January 11, 2016, 22:49
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on January 12, 2016, 19:31
This is for real and not a joke.

http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/wigan-geography-quiz-chloe-video-10720485

But she is blonde  ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on January 12, 2016, 20:41
 :facepalm:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on January 12, 2016, 21:22
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on February 08, 2016, 21:49
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says, “Look at that dog with one eye!”

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, “Where?”
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on February 08, 2016, 22:08
 :bawl:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on February 08, 2016, 22:48
 :laugh:  Love it!
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on February 15, 2016, 18:48
Did you hear about the pregnant blonde?

She had a maternity test to make sure it was her own.
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on February 15, 2016, 18:53
 :facepalm:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on February 15, 2016, 21:24
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on February 17, 2016, 18:41
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of a library and said, “I have a complaint!”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”

“What was wrong with it?”

“It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!”

The librarian nodded and said, “Ah. So you must be the person who took our phone directory.”
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on February 17, 2016, 19:26
 :hee-hee:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on February 17, 2016, 20:50
:arf:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: sam on February 21, 2016, 18:13
Will help with numeracy at the least.
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Rodders on March 04, 2016, 00:43
Bob walked into a pub at around 9:58 p.m.  He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.  The 10 p.m. news was coming on.

They were covering the story of a man preparing to jump off the ledge of a large building.  The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he'll jump?”

Bob said, “You know, I bet he'll jump.”

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won't.”

Bob placed a £20 note on the bar and said, “You're on!”  Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the bloke on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her £20 to Bob.  “Fair's fair, here's your money.”

Bob replied, “I can't take your money.  I saw this earlier on the 7 o'clock news, so I knew he'd jump.”

The blonde replied, “I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again.”
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on March 04, 2016, 13:23
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on March 25, 2016, 14:05
After his return from Rome, Dave couldn’t find his luggage in the airport baggage area.

He went to the lost luggage office and told the blonde woman there that his bags hadn’t shown up on the carousel.

She smiled and told him not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in good hands.

Then she asked Dave, “Has your plane arrived yet?”
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on March 25, 2016, 14:40
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on March 25, 2016, 15:23
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on April 18, 2016, 21:58
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

A: Pregnant.
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on April 18, 2016, 21:58
Q: How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea?

A: Inflate it.
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on April 18, 2016, 23:11
 :)x
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on April 19, 2016, 11:16
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 31, 2016, 10:28
Finally, A Blonde Joke I Hadn't Heard.
 
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all  the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she says.

'Yes.' he says.

'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.

'It's best I stay here.' he says.

'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.

The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
 
    "Because I'm the Goalie !"
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on May 31, 2016, 12:14
 :)x
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on July 15, 2017, 22:56
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"!
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - given that you are blind - that you should know five things:

First - The bartender is a blonde girl.

Second - The bouncer is a blonde girl.

Third - I'm a 6 feet tall, 120 kg blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

Fourth - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter, and

Fifth - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell a Blonde joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,

"Nah...Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
 
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on July 15, 2017, 23:21
 :laugh:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on July 16, 2017, 20:47
The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on July 16, 2017, 21:22
One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy!
Today in school we learned to count.
The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
The mother responds, "Very good honey."
The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?"
And the mother responds, "Yes dear."
Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs!
The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!"
The mother says, "Very good honey."
The blonde then asked.
"Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"
The mother responds, "Yes dear."
The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming!
But I was the only one who had breasts.
Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"
And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five."
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on July 16, 2017, 21:31
 :facepalm:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on July 17, 2017, 07:45
 :arf:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on October 29, 2017, 17:54
80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a “Blondes Are Not Stupid” Convention. The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”

A blonde carefully works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, “What is 15 plus 15?”

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, “Eighteen!”

Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, uh, I guess we can give her another chance.”

So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?”

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, “Ninety?”

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened – the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!”

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, “OK! OK! Just one more chance – what is 2 plus 2?”

The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?”

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream…

“Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on October 29, 2017, 18:37
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on February 25, 2020, 15:21
Two blondes walk into an Essex pet shop and walk over to the bird section where Karen says to Sharon, “That’s them.” The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. “Yes, we’ll take four of those little budgies in that cage up there.” The owner picks out four of the birds and puts them in a cardboard box. The blondes pay for the birds, leave the shop, get into their car and drive to a nearby hilltop. They look down at the 500 foot drop and Karen says, “This looks like a good place.” She takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Sharon watches as the budgies fly off and Karen falls all the way to the bottom, killing herself stone dead. Looking down at the sad remains of her bestie, Sharon shakes her head and says, “Bugger that. This budgie jumping is too bloody dangerous for me!”
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on February 25, 2020, 15:31
 ;D
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on February 25, 2020, 20:31
 :facepalm:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Den on May 02, 2021, 13:55
There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car.

The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"

The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."

The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"

The other one answered," No, people will think we're too stupid to use the coat hanger."

The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."   :o
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Clive on May 02, 2021, 16:34
 :facepalm:
Title: Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
Post by: Simon on May 02, 2021, 17:49
 :)x