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The Laughter Zone / Re: Pictures
« Last post by Simon on May 21, 2024, 21:46 »
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The Laughter Zone / Shopping.
« Last post by Den on May 21, 2024, 21:19 »Olaf the Viking Norseman is shopping at a supermarket when he comes across an old lady in a wheelchair, almost in tears.
"What's the matter?" asks Olaf.
"Oh," sobs the old lady. "I want to have a look at the frozen puddings but, as you can see, there are three steps down into the chiller cabinets."
"No problem," says Olaf, lifting her onto his back. "I'll take you."
Olaf strolls through the chiller cabinets with the old lady on his back.
She selects several puddings and puts them in the basket he is carrying for her.
At the other end the old lady's husband is waiting with her wheelchair.
"I'd really like to thank you," says the old lady as Olaf sets her back down in the chair, "but I don't even know who you are!"
Olaf just waves and walks off.
"I was really worried about you," says the old lady's husband. "What have you been doing?"
She replies, "Well, I've been through the desserts on a Norse with no name."
"What's the matter?" asks Olaf.
"Oh," sobs the old lady. "I want to have a look at the frozen puddings but, as you can see, there are three steps down into the chiller cabinets."
"No problem," says Olaf, lifting her onto his back. "I'll take you."
Olaf strolls through the chiller cabinets with the old lady on his back.
She selects several puddings and puts them in the basket he is carrying for her.
At the other end the old lady's husband is waiting with her wheelchair.
"I'd really like to thank you," says the old lady as Olaf sets her back down in the chair, "but I don't even know who you are!"
Olaf just waves and walks off.
"I was really worried about you," says the old lady's husband. "What have you been doing?"
She replies, "Well, I've been through the desserts on a Norse with no name."
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The Laughter Zone / Pictures
« Last post by Den on May 21, 2024, 21:14 »A London solicitor representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client.
"Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."
The solicitor said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only £5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between £15 and £20 million...
and I think she could be right"
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn't she?
You've just made my day.
Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The solicitor replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary..."
"Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."
The solicitor said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only £5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between £15 and £20 million...
and I think she could be right"
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn't she?
You've just made my day.
Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The solicitor replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary..."
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The Laughter Zone / Sex trap
« Last post by Den on May 20, 2024, 21:05 »Wife was sure that her husband was having Sex with the maid.
So she laid a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for weekend & didnt tell her husband.
That night, when they went to bed, the husband gave his old story- "I've got stomach ache, I'm going to the bathroom."
The wife promptly went into maid's bed.
She switched the lights off.
He came in silently, he wasted no time on words but quickly started sex.
When he finished, the wife said - "I bet you didn't expect me in this bed, did you?" and then switched on the light..
"No Madam", said the Gardener."
So she laid a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for weekend & didnt tell her husband.
That night, when they went to bed, the husband gave his old story- "I've got stomach ache, I'm going to the bathroom."
The wife promptly went into maid's bed.
She switched the lights off.
He came in silently, he wasted no time on words but quickly started sex.
When he finished, the wife said - "I bet you didn't expect me in this bed, did you?" and then switched on the light..
"No Madam", said the Gardener."
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The Laughter Zone / It's dark in here...
« Last post by Simon on May 15, 2024, 19:55 »A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the woman's lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The man, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says, "$500."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost.I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the priest to confess his sins, and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that crap again; you're in my closet now."
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the woman's lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The man, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says, "$500."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost.I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the priest to confess his sins, and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that crap again; you're in my closet now."