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The Laughter Zone / The sins of Jenny
« Last post by Den on January 25, 2024, 20:40 »
Jenny goes to church to confess her sins to the local priest. "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

"Tell me of your sins Jennifer."

"Oh father, last night my boyfriend and I made love seven times in the hay."

The priest ponders this then says: "Take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a tall glass then drink it."

"Will this cleanse my soul of my sins father?"

"No," the priest says. "But it will wipe that bloody smile off your face."   :crazy:
The Laughter Zone / Re: Travelling politicians
« Last post by Simon on January 23, 2024, 21:16 »
The Laughter Zone / Re: Travelling politicians
« Last post by Den on January 23, 2024, 20:26 »
 ;D Superb   :haha:
The Laughter Zone / Travelling politicians
« Last post by Clive on January 23, 2024, 20:19 »
Tales of Washington DC Airport ticket agent

A DC 'airport ticket agent' offers some examples of why the US is in so

much trouble! I love this as the ticket agent actually names real names!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for

an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the

window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard

Bauleke), who wanted to go to CapeTown. I started to explain the length

of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with,

''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts.

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in

Massachusetts, Cape Town is in South Africa .''

His response -- click..

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a

Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando.

He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not

possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, 'Don't lie to me!, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very THIN

state!!'' (OMG )

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible

to see England from Canada?''

I said, ''No.''
She said, ''But they look so close on the map'' (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if

he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had

only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a

car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to

drive between gates to save time.''


6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She

needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at

8:30 a.m, and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she
couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane

went fast, and she bought that.

7. A NewYork lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do
airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose

luggage belongs to whom?''

I said, 'No, why do you ask?'

He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag
on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's

very rude!''

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was
dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno ,

CA is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a

destination tag on his luggage..

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about

a trip package to Hawaii .

After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper
to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright

from Ala. who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told
my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, ''I need to fly to
Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little
computer planes?'' I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola and fly on a

commuter plane.

She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu, La Senator, called and had a question about the
documents she needed in order to fly to China.

After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she

needed a visa.

"Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have

one of those''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa.

When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times
and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations,

'I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, NewYork.''

I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the
name of the town?

"Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.

After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked
up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."

''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is.
Check your map!''

So I scoured a map of the state of NewYork and finally offered,

''You don't mean Buffalo,do you?''

The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

Now you know why the Government is in the shape it's in!
Could ANYONE be this DUMB?

The Buzz / Re: Annie Nightingale: Legendary Radio 1 DJ dies at 83
« Last post by Clive on January 12, 2024, 14:30 »
 :rip:  I rarely listened to her. 
The Buzz / Annie Nightingale: Legendary Radio 1 DJ dies at 83
« Last post by Simon on January 12, 2024, 13:44 »
Radio 1 DJ Annie Nightingale, the station's first female presenter, who went on to become its longest-serving host, has died at the age of 83.

Nightingale joined the station in 1970 and remained the only woman on the line-up for 12 years. She was known for her passion for a wide range of music, championing everything from prog rock and punk to acid house and grime. She remained on air until late last year with Annie Nightingale Presents. Nightingale was also known for co-hosting BBC Two music show The Old Grey Whistle Test.

A statement attributed to her family on Friday said: "Annie Nightingale MBE passed away yesterday at her home in London after a short illness. Annie was a pioneer, trailblazer and an inspiration to many. Her impulse to share that enthusiasm with audiences remained undimmed after six decades of broadcasting on BBC TV and radio globally. Never underestimate the role model she became. Breaking down doors by refusing to bow down to sexual prejudice and male fear gave encouragement to generations of young women who, like Annie, only wanted to tell you about an amazing tune they had just heard. Watching Annie do this on television in the 1970s, most famously as a presenter on the BBC music show The Old Grey Whistle Test, or hearing her play the latest breakbeat techno on Radio One is testimony to someone who never stopped believing in the magic of rock 'n' roll. A celebration of her life will take place in the Spring at a Memorial Service."

The Buzz / Re: David Soul: Starsky & Hutch actor dies aged 80
« Last post by Clive on January 06, 2024, 10:57 »
Good on him!   ;D
The Buzz / Re: David Soul: Starsky & Hutch actor dies aged 80
« Last post by Simon on January 06, 2024, 10:24 »
No, I used to love it!  My dad had a red Vauxhall Chevette, and he had the white stripe painted across the roof and down the sides like Starsky and Hutch's car!  ;D
The Buzz / Re: David Soul: Starsky & Hutch actor dies aged 80
« Last post by Clive on January 06, 2024, 08:03 »
How we all enjoyed Starsky & Hutch back in the day.  Before Simon was born of course!   :rip:  David Soul.
The Buzz / David Soul: Starsky & Hutch actor dies aged 80
« Last post by Simon on January 05, 2024, 15:55 »
Actor David Soul, best known for his role in the television series Starsky & Hutch, has died at the age of 80.

His wife, Helen Snell said he died on Thursday "after a valiant battle for life in the loving company of family.

"He shared many extraordinary gifts in the world as actor, singer, storyteller, creative artist and dear friend," she said.

"His smile, laughter and passion for life will be remembered by the many whose lives he has touched."

The US-born actor was best known for his role as Detective Kenneth "Hutch" Hutchinson in the classic crime-solving series Starsky & Hutch.

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