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1
Food & Drink / Re: Festive Challenge
« Last post by Clive on December 10, 2018, 21:51 »
 :laugh:
2
The Laughter Zone / Re: Disorder In The Courts
« Last post by Den on December 10, 2018, 20:47 »
 :D
3
The Laughter Zone / Re: Disorder In The Courts
« Last post by GillE on December 10, 2018, 18:58 »
 :laugh:
4
Food & Drink / Re: Festive Challenge
« Last post by Simon on December 10, 2018, 12:23 »
:santa:
5
Food & Drink / Festive Challenge
« Last post by Rodders on December 10, 2018, 11:06 »
After dinner my girlfriend asked if I could clear the table.  I needed quite a long run up but I just made it.
6
The Laughter Zone / Re: Disorder In The Courts
« Last post by Simon on December 10, 2018, 10:00 »
Brilliant.   ;D
7
The Laughter Zone / Re: Disorder In The Courts
« Last post by Clive on December 10, 2018, 09:33 »
 ;D
8
The Laughter Zone / Disorder In The Courts
« Last post by Rodders on December 10, 2018, 00:21 »
These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS:  He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:  My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS:  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?
WITNESS:  No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  What is your date of birth?
WITNESS:  July 18th.
ATTORNEY:  What year?
WITNESS:  Every year.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS:  Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY:  How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS:  Forty-five years.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:  I forget.
ATTORNEY:  You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:  He's 20, much like your IQ.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:  Are you s**tting me?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:  Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  She had three children, right?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
WITNESS:  None.
ATTORNEY:  Were there any girls?
WITNESS:  Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:  By death.
ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:  Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:  He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:  Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS:  All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:  Oral.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:  The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:  If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:  Are you qualified to ask that question?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS:  Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.
9
Broadband, Networking, PC Security, Internet & ISPs / Re: BT Smarthub 2
« Last post by Clive on December 07, 2018, 18:41 »
 :thumb:
10
Broadband, Networking, PC Security, Internet & ISPs / Re: BT Smarthub 2
« Last post by Den on December 07, 2018, 17:44 »
As the signal in my Lounge was not as good as I stated I wanted they agreed to send me another Disc (free of charge) to add to the system. Still love BT.  :D
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