PC Pals Forum
General Discussion => The Laughter Zone => Topic started by: mistybear on December 26, 2006, 13:00
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Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an Englishman?
A. An all-rounder.
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Unfortunately, that's so very true. >:(
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And he's doing quite well for a member of Dads Army. ;D
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Q. What do Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason.
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five nil is looking good! ;)
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Music to my ears! ;D
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4 down, 1 to go.
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Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.
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To be honest five-nil is only what I expected.
One of the great mysteries in English sport - and I mean any sport - is that after any triumph England disintegrate. Take football for example. England won the World Cup forty years ago, but haven't threatened any of the top nations since. In fact, England now attend football tournaments merely to make up the numbers. There isn't even a remote possibility that we might win the World Cup or European Championship.
Then we can move on to Rugby. Since England won the World Cup a couple of years ago, you can count on the fingers of one hand the number of matches in which they have beaten the opposition. As in football, we have gone from on top of the world to minnows in a very short time.
Finally, cricket. People over here are saying that if Vaughan and Simon Jones had been fit, the outcome might have been different and England might have retained the Ashes. That is nonsense. The margin of defeat has been so great that no two men could have made any difference.
Let's not even think about Wimbledon. >:(
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England won the World Cup forty years ago, but haven't threatened any of the top nations since. In fact, England now attend football tournaments merely to make up the numbers. There isn't even a remote possibility that we might win the World Cup or European Championship.
So why the hell do we pay them so much? Surely their job is to win for this country, and if anyone else consistantly failed in their job of work, they would be sacked - not paid £90,000 a week! >:(
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I hear the English are very good at "Darts" :crazy:
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I hear the English are very good at "Darts" :crazy:
Only because it also involves drinking huge quantities of beer! ;D
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lol
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Only because it also involves drinking huge quantities of beer! ;D
Don't tell the Australians then.
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Finally, cricket. People over here are saying that if Vaughan and Simon Jones had been fit, the outcome might have been different and England might have retained the Ashes. That is nonsense. The margin of defeat has been so great that no two men could have made any difference.
Probably right, but I do feel Vaughan's captaincy would have made some difference. Don't get me wrong I do like "freddy" and I think he is very talented, but to give him the captaincy. I was hoping Vaughan would have been fit for the last two, maybe the one dayers.
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the one dayers? we havent a chance in hell with those, we are useless at that!! maybe we should play 20-20, we might have a chance!
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Only because it also involves drinking huge quantities of beer! ;D
:pmsl:
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. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
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:hee-hee:
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. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
id have just been happy for not getting out after 3 balls, but hey maybe I am being too harsh.
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:lol: no not really.
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:bawl:
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you need :more players that can hit the ball hard, maybe lure "Ian Botham" out of retirement!, its your only hope! :D
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lol
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Federal Court Ruling from the Melbourne Age, Australia (AP) ? A seven year old Aboriginal boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the English Cricket Team, whom the boy firmly believes are "not capable of beating
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A cricketer was visiting his psychiatrist.
Cricketer: "It's awful. I can't score runs, I'm a terrible bowler and I can't hold a catch. What can l do?"
Psychiatrist: "Get another job."
Cricketer: "I can't. I'm playing for England tomorrow."
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Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.
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Putting aside all the mirth for a moment, consider the poor souls such as a mate of mine who put a bet on at the bookies that England wouldn't win in single match down-under this winter.
England have managed just one solitary victory since stepping on Australian soil last November, a one day win against New Zealand. As they are unlikely to win any more (as Bangladesh aren't in the itinerary) that solitary victory has lost my mate a small fortune while the bookies are laughing all the way to the bank. >:(
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while the bookies are laughing all the way to the bank. >:(
Nothing new there then Dave!
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It was unfortunate for your mate with the kiwi's not having a full strength team for that game, I was actually surprised that you guys won. But with Oram back and with Styris and Mills yet to return things won't get any easier for you.
I was very disappointed with freddy winning the toss, I really want to see what sort of score we can get batting first. I was looking forward to an evening of cricket as there was bugger all else on, and when our internet connection when belly up, that was the final straw.
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I know we like to make fun of blonds, especially drunken blonds, but after watching the highlights last night and the usual post-match denial from the England camp just how poor England are, the interviewer turned to a young blond in the crowd who was obviously taking celebrating Australia Day very seriously.
Her comments:
"England just cannot compete at the same level of us. They keep telling us they can and they think they can, but they can't. That is the reality of it".
Never were more truer words spoken.
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I was wondering why Australia doesn't have an Australia "A" side like we use to years ago, to compete with the touring side and the first Australian eleven. I heard the other day that it had to be stopped when the final was between the two Australian sides.
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Returning to the topic of those who have lost a small fortune by England actually managing to win a match this winter, here is an absolute banker.
England cannot play one-day cricket. In the forthcoming World Cup, they are drawn in Group C with New Zealand and the minnows Kenya and Canada. When they play Kenya and Canada, the odds that the bookies will be offering on a Kenya or Canada win will be at least 10-1. England will lose at least one of those two matches, probably against Kenya. So if we put and fiver on Kenya and Canada to beat England on the day, we will win at least £50 and possibly a minimum of £100 if England lose both, which is very possible.
Definitely worth a punt! :)
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lol, shockingly it is worth a go!