A progressive young woman wrote a lot of letters to the White House
complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgents (terrorists) being
held in Guantanamo Bay.
She received back the following reply:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the
Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay,
Cuba.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was
heard loud and clear here in Washington.
You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like
yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining
Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers"
program, or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to
place one terrorist under your personal care.
Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation
under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared
for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of
complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant
care-takers.
We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care
for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your
letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help
him overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural
differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home
schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at
your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of
explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep
those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
sexually), since he views females as a sub-human form of property. This is
a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show
violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code
that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over
time.
Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his
religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you
keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of
Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.
Good luck!
Cordially, your friend,
Don Rumsfeld
Topic: Letter From Don (Read 774 times)