Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here

[Simon]

[Den]

A blonde was weeding her back garden and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to Asda!

When she got there she told the Asda employee what happened and he asked her why she came to Asda?




She said “HELOOO!!! it’s the largest re tailer in the country.”   

[Den]

A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night as well. 

[Den]

A famous soccer player parked his brand new porsche outside a gift store and went inside to shop.
 About ten minutes later a blonde salesgirl ran up to him shouting, “I just saw someone steal your sports car.”
 “Did you try to stop him?” asked the soccer player.
“No,” said the blonde. “I did better than that, I got the registration number of the car!”

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
 She threw it off a cliff.

Did you hear about the blonde secretary who cut her fingers off so that she could write short hand?

Q. A blonde had used up all of her sick days so what did she do?
 A. She called in dead.

A young blonde woman went into a bank to withdraw some money.
 For security purposes the cashier asked her if she could identify herself.
 She opened her handbag and took out a small mirror, looked into it and said, “Yes, it’s me all right.”

Q: Why didn’t the Blonde have any ice cubes for her party?
 A: She lost the recipe.

We have a Blonde where I work, who is so dumb she thinks Manual Labour is a Spaniard. 

[Simon]

[Clive]

 

[Rodders]

Two blondes fell down a hole.  One said, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"  The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

[Simon]

 

[Clive]

 

[Den]

One day a pregnant blonde suspects that her husband is cheating on her. She confronts her husband and asks him if it is true.
 After awhile the husband finally confesses and tells her that he has been cheating on her with 7 different women.
 The blonde sits there confused for awhile without saying a word. Finally she asks: “if you have been sleeping around with all these girls how do i know if this child is really mine?”

[Den]

A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her psychologist.
 psychologist: “What is your dream about?”
 Blonde: “I am being chased by a vampire…”
 psychologist: “So, where are you in this dream?”
 Blonde: “I am running in a hallway.”
 psychologist: “Then what happens?”
 Blonde: “Well, that’s the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can’t open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won’t budge!”
 psychologist: “Does the door have any letters on it?”
 Blonde: “Yes.”
 psychologist: “And what do these letter spell?”
 Blonde: “P.. U… L… L…”

[Den]

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
 MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
 When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

[Simon]

On a roll, Den.   

[Clive]

 

[Simon]

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.

"No!" yells the blonde.

Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.

"For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?"

The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"