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Author Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here  (Read 137776 times)

Offline Clive

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #615 on: August 22, 2015, 18:42 »
 ;D

Offline Den

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #616 on: August 23, 2015, 18:45 »
A blonde burned both of her ears… so they were asking her at the hospital how it happened.

She said, ”I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang… So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear…”

”But how the heck did you burn the other ear?” The doctor asked.

”They called back.”
Fourth in the 2018 Quiz of the Year but at least I beat Clive.

Offline Clive

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #617 on: August 23, 2015, 19:06 »
 :pmsl:

Offline Simon

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #618 on: August 23, 2015, 19:38 »
 :laugh:
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Offline Den

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #619 on: November 08, 2015, 16:49 »
A Blondes cookery diary.

MONDAY: It’s fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbours were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn’t dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can’t say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for biscuits. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

SUNDAY: Tom’s parents came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.
Fourth in the 2018 Quiz of the Year but at least I beat Clive.

Offline Simon

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #620 on: November 08, 2015, 17:05 »
 ;D
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Offline Clive

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #621 on: November 08, 2015, 21:15 »
 :pmsl:

Offline Den

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #622 on: November 13, 2015, 16:55 »
This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls a May Day:

“May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don’t know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!”

All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying:

“The is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I’ve had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position.”

She says, “I’m 5’4″ and I’m sitting in the front seat.”

“O.K.” says the voice from the tower. “I see…now this is what you do, repeat after me: Our Father. . . Who art in Heaven. . . ..”
Fourth in the 2018 Quiz of the Year but at least I beat Clive.

Offline Simon

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #623 on: November 13, 2015, 17:41 »
 ;D
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Offline Clive

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #624 on: November 14, 2015, 08:22 »
 :laugh:

Offline Clive

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #625 on: January 11, 2016, 20:33 »
Two blondes were filling up at a gas station and the first blonde says to the second,
"I bet these awful gas prices are going to go even higher."
The second blonde replies,
"Won't affect me.  I always put in just $10 worth."
 
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
   
  One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively.
"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."
"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of pants for that suit."
"Yes, and it's lucky you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."
 
  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
 
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
 
  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
 
  A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her blonde friend from next door had recently done the same job, and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Buffy," she said, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"
"Ten," said Buffy.
So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover.
"Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!"
"Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."
 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
 
  A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which.
A neighbor suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second horse's tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse's tail.
Our blonde friend was stuck again.
 
The neighbor then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence.
 
Once again, our blonde friend couldn't tell the two horses apart.
The neighbor then suggested that she measure the horses for height.
When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one!!
 
  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
 
  Blonde Interview:
The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with any person, living or dead, who would that be?"
 
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
 

Offline Simon

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #626 on: January 11, 2016, 22:49 »
 :laugh:
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Offline Den

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #627 on: January 12, 2016, 19:31 »
Fourth in the 2018 Quiz of the Year but at least I beat Clive.

Offline Simon

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #628 on: January 12, 2016, 20:41 »
 :facepalm:
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Offline Clive

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Re: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #629 on: January 12, 2016, 21:22 »
 :laugh:


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