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Author Topic: Groaner thread  (Read 188498 times)

Offline Whiskas

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #60 on: January 24, 2003, 09:21 »
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Granny
Granny who?
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Granny
Granny who?
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Granny
Granny who?
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Auntie
Auntie who?
Auntie you glad granny's gone

Offline Barra

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #61 on: January 24, 2003, 12:58 »
Q. What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?






A. The Spice Girls!
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Offline Whiskas

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #62 on: January 24, 2003, 16:14 »
What flys and wobbles?

A jellycopter

Offline Whiskas

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #63 on: January 25, 2003, 22:06 »
What do you call a dog with a phone on it's head?

Golden Receiver

Offline Barra

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #64 on: January 26, 2003, 16:24 »
Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
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Offline Barra

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #65 on: January 26, 2003, 16:27 »
Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Rescue Anne, to practice.

My group's model was legless to allow for storage in a carrying case.

The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing.

Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"

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Offline Barra

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #66 on: January 26, 2003, 16:32 »
A polar bear walks into a bar and the barman says, "what would you like to drink?". The polar bear hangs his head and sighs deeply and then says "I'll have a pint of bitter barman". The barman looks at the bear and says "why the big paws?"
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Offline Barra

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #67 on: January 26, 2003, 16:32 »
Q. What do you call a spider without any legs?
A. A currant
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Offline Barra

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #68 on: January 26, 2003, 16:37 »
What is an igg?

answer:an eskimos home without a toilet!!!
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Offline Barra

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #69 on: January 26, 2003, 16:39 »
There are three types of people in the world ... those that can count and those that can't.
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Offline Barra

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #70 on: January 26, 2003, 17:00 »
What is green and holds up stagecoaches?

Dick Gherkin
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Offline greenking

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #71 on: January 28, 2003, 18:26 »

Once there was a mad scientist who worked by himself in his laboratory. He was so lonely that one day, he decided to clone himself. Everything worked perfectly, except that the clone had a very foul mouth. The scientist worked with the clone, but alas, he could not make the clone clean up his language. He got so tired of the clone's language that one day he pushed him off the end of a cliff. A policeman rushed up to him, and yelled

"You are under arrest! You are under arrest!"
"What for?" the mad scientist asked.

For making an obscene clone fall.
 
 
My goal in life is to become half as good a person as my dog already thinks I am

Offline Clive

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #72 on: January 29, 2003, 13:18 »
Blame Eagleseye for this one.  ;D

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.
He starts this when suddenly a huge fish leaps out and bites him. He is not going to let a fish have a go so he beats the offending fish to death with a spade.

Realising that his boss is not going to be best pleased, he tries to find a way to hide the dead fish. He hits on the brilliant idea of giving the fish to the lions as lions will eat anything. So he throws the fish into the lion's cage.

He then moves on to his second job, which is to clear out the monkey house. He goes in and a couple of chimps start throwing coconuts at him. Un-amused he swipes at the chimps with his spade, killing them instantly.

He's really worried now, so what does he do?
He feeds the chimps to the lions, because lions eat anything.
He hurls them into the lion's cage.

Anyway, he moves on to his last job, which is to collect honey from South American bees. He starts on this and quickly gets attacked by the bees. Alarmed, he grabs his spade and smashes
the bees as hard as he can, squashing them to death. By this point he is not too worried about the death of bees as he knows what to do by now. He throws them into the lion's cage, because
lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. It wanders up to another lion and says

"What's the food like in here?".

"Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish, Chimps and Mushy Bees".


Offline Barra

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #73 on: January 29, 2003, 21:13 »
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
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Offline Serenity

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Re:Groaner thread
« Reply #74 on: January 30, 2003, 07:41 »
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....
 
"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".
 
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
 
"Incredible" he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here."
 
Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a £10 note appears. "This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. "What do you want me to do?"
 
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man", shrieks the patient.
 
The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another etc.... Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.
 
"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat"s moch batter, how moch is dare den?"
The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "£1,990 exactly."
 
"Ah, dat'd be roit. I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."  ;D  8)


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