Topic: Groaner thread

[Dogsbody]

A whale is swimming about in the ocean when he comes across an ill octopus, so being a caring whale he picks him up and swims off with him,

Two days later he comes across a mate of his who says "Have you got that money you owe me?"

The first whale says "No, but here's sick squid on account"

DB

[Simon]

OK, you've asked for these!  

Q: Were you long in the hospital ?
A: No, I was the same size that I am now !

Q: What has 4 wheels and flys?
A: A garbage truck.

Q: Why don't sharks eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.

Q: Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer ?
A: He fell in the sink !

Q: Why did the clock get sick ?
A: It was run down !

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show everyone that he wasn't a chicken.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: He didn't have anyBODY to go with.

Q: What button won't you find in a tailors shop ?
A: Belly button !

Q: How did the farmer fix his jeans?
A: With a cabbage patch!

Q: Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Do you have any invisible ink?
Certainly sir. What colour?

Q: Why did the child study in the airplane?
A: He wanted a higher education!

Q: Who makes suits and eats spinach ?
A: Popeye the Tailorman !

Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: Cliff !

Q: Where does the colonel keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies!

Q: What travels all around the world, but never leaves it's corner.
A: A Postage Stamp!

Q: How did the telephones get married ?
A: In a double ring ceremony !

Q: What did one flea say to the other flea?
A: Should we walk or take a dog?

Q: What gets wetter as it dries?
A: A towel!

A noise woke me up this morning.
What was that ?
The crack of dawn !

Q: What does one star say to another star when they meet ?
A: Glad to meteor !

Q: Where do eskimos keep their money?
A: Snow banks !

Q: Waiter, this soup tastes funny ?
A: Then why aren't you laughing !

Q: Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
A: Use a pencil ?till I get there

These 2 atoms were walking around when one atom says to the other one, "hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other atom says "are you sure?"
He replies "yes, I'm positive"

[Serenity]

I love this thread  :slightlymad:  

[Clive]

It was a hot summer's day, and Luke was in the marina fishing and having a few beers aboard his boat, patriotically named the "Fourth of July."

He was waiting for his friend, Opie, to arrive so they could go for a cruise. Opie was late, unfortunately, because he had to pick up his wife from her appointment with the obstetrician.

Her examinations were cheap because the doctor, a fellow named Juan, was Opie's cousin. Anyway, the appointment went over time, and Opie was late getting to the marina.

Luke had been drinking all this time, and was feeling no pain. When he saw Opie finally walking down the pier, he jumped up, staggered to the side of the boat to wave to his friend, and nearly fell in.

Opie got there just in time to grab Luke. Thus, it was that O. B. Juan's kin, Opie, saved Luke from falling to the dock side of the Fourth.

[DJ]

DJ

[Simon]

A scientist was successful in cloning himself.

He was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.

The scientist arrived with his clone and proceeded to the podium. The clone sat at the end of the head table. The scientist began the speech intending a tribute to the advances in the field of modern biology.

"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone sprang to his feet and shouted out, "He's an a*****e!" The crowd began to murmur as the scientist commanded the clone to "Sit down and shut-up!" Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists..." Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "This dumb ASS couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent SON-OF-A-BITCH!"

Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.

The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and were explained the events that had transpired.

The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you." The scientist replied, "For what? I have committed no crime. What fell from the window was a clone, not a person." The attending scientists nodded in agreement. "Well," retorted the police chief, "we cannot let this heinous act go unchallenged."

The police chief thought for a moment and then ordered the scientist held, for...




































"Making an obscene clone fall...."    

[Clive]

 Ban him!!

[TR]

How about a really bad chicken joke............?

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens want three books, and hands them over to them...and the chickens leave. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens want another three books and hands them over. The chickens leave as before. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens, but she gives them what they request, and decides to follow them. She follows them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hides behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She sees the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."

[Clive]

Brilliant Hook!

[Clive]

Why is 6 afaid of 7








































because 7 8 9

[Simon]

Oh dear....  

[Clive]

[Camstop]

What happenend when the grape got stood on?


































It let out a little wine.   :bart:

[Serenity]

Stevie Wonder has just finished a sell-out concert in Japan and after the applause has died down he asks the crowd if there's anything they'd like him to play.
 
This little Japanese fella at the front is jumping up and down, shouting and waving his arms like a madman and Stevie asks him what he'd like him to play.
 
He shouts "Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord"
 
So Stevie belts out a 2 minute solo in F minor on his piano and the
crowd are in raptures.
 

"No, No" he shouts "play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord".
 
A little bit bemused Stevie does a 3 minute impromptu in A major and
gets the crowd rocking.
 
The little fella shouts "No, No, I want you to play a jazz chord".
 
Stevie gives in and says "how does that go then?"
 
To which he  replies.....
 .
 .
 .
 .
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 .
 .
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 .
  "A jazz chord to say I ruv you!"    

[Camstop]