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Author Topic: If Tommy Cooper were alive today...  (Read 369 times)

Offline Clive

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If Tommy Cooper were alive today...
« on: January 17, 2019, 21:29 »
I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'
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This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
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I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'
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I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'
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I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best before End'
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I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.'
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I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood' I said, 'Where is he then?'
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My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.
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I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'
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I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R.
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I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
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I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.
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Winner BBC Quiz of the Year 2015, 2016 and yet again in 2017.

Offline Simon

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Re: If Tommy Cooper were alive today...
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2019, 21:32 »
 :facepalm: ;D
Many thanks to all our members, who have made PC Pals such an outstanding success!   :thumb:

Offline daveeb

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Re: If Tommy Cooper were alive today...
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2019, 21:40 »
 :)x Might have to pinch a couple of those  :thumb:

Offline GillE

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Re: If Tommy Cooper were alive today...
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2019, 23:03 »
Tim Vine would be proud of those too  :) .
There is no opinion, however absurd, which men will not readily embrace as soon as they can be brought to the conviction that it is readily adopted.

(Schopenhauer, Die Kunst Recht zu Behalten)

Offline Rodders

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Re: If Tommy Cooper were alive today...
« Reply #4 on: January 28, 2019, 12:26 »
I said to the gym instructor, "Can you teach me to do the splits?"  He said: "How flexible are you?"  I said, "I canít make Tuesdays."

Offline Simon

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Re: If Tommy Cooper were alive today...
« Reply #5 on: January 28, 2019, 14:13 »
 :facepalm:
Many thanks to all our members, who have made PC Pals such an outstanding success!   :thumb:


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