Sponsor for PC Pals Forum

Author Topic: Groaner thread  (Read 142333 times)

Offline GillE

  • Forum Fanatic
  • ******
  • Posts: 6349
  • Never totally serious
    • Gill's East Lindsey Camera
Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #1020 on: February 16, 2020, 01:53 »
Simon, you took the words out of my mouth  :laugh: .
There is no opinion, however absurd, which men will not readily embrace as soon as they can be brought to the conviction that it is readily adopted.

(Schopenhauer, Die Kunst Recht zu Behalten)

Offline Clive

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 66941
  • Winner BBC Quiz of the Year 2015,2016,2017, 2020
Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #1021 on: February 16, 2020, 10:23 »
f(x) walks into a pub and the barman says, "Sorry we don't do functions"

Offline Simon

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 69942
  • First to score 7/7 in Quiz of The Week's News 2017
Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #1022 on: February 16, 2020, 11:04 »
 :facepalm:
Many thanks to all our members, who have made PC Pals such an outstanding success!   :thumb:

Offline sam

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 19817
Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #1023 on: February 16, 2020, 19:20 »
f(x) walks into a pub and the barman says, "Sorry we don't do functions"

 :thumb:
- sam | @starrydude --

Offline Clive

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 66941
  • Winner BBC Quiz of the Year 2015,2016,2017, 2020
Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #1024 on: April 30, 2020, 16:47 »
Murphy says to Paddy,  "What ya talkin into an envelope for?" 
"I'm sending a voicemail ya fool!"
 

19 Paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."
                                           
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.
As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.
I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
               

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were 70!!!
Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
                                           
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
                                           
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am!
Luckily for him, I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
                                           
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
                                           
Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing.
I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.
                                           
When I was in the pub, I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists,I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the blooming thing!
                                           

Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
                                         

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
                                             

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.
"Blow that" says Mick, "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

Offline daveeb

  • Loyal Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3449
Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #1025 on: April 30, 2020, 17:35 »
 :basil: :basil:

Offline Den

  • Loyal Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3648
Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #1026 on: April 30, 2020, 20:27 »
 :facepalm:
Fourth in the 2018 Quiz of the Year but at least I beat Clive.

Offline pctech

  • Regular Member
  • **
  • Posts: 97
Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #1027 on: August 16, 2020, 16:55 »
Police are appealing for witnesses to a crash involving two articulated trucks which led to the closure of a section of motorway yesterday for a number of hours, one was carrying cream and the other strawberries, the drivers have apparently desserted the area.
Mitch

Offline Clive

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 66941
  • Winner BBC Quiz of the Year 2015,2016,2017, 2020
Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #1028 on: August 16, 2020, 22:18 »
 :aarrgh:

Offline Simon

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 69942
  • First to score 7/7 in Quiz of The Week's News 2017
Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #1029 on: August 16, 2020, 22:51 »
 :facepalm:
Many thanks to all our members, who have made PC Pals such an outstanding success!   :thumb:

Offline Clive

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 66941
  • Winner BBC Quiz of the Year 2015,2016,2017, 2020
Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #1030 on: December 26, 2020, 20:42 »
I've just started a part time job in a factory making chess pieces.

I'm on knights next week.

Offline Simon

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 69942
  • First to score 7/7 in Quiz of The Week's News 2017
Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #1031 on: December 26, 2020, 21:24 »
:aarrgh:
Many thanks to all our members, who have made PC Pals such an outstanding success!   :thumb:


Show unread posts since last visit.
Sponsor for PC Pals Forum